Fizzle & Pop

Time for last rites. "Bury the bitch and move out!"

2010-02-25T09:12:00.002-07:00

Okay, enough of this. I'm packing my shit and moving to WordPress. Why? because I need to learn as much of the ins and outs of that system as my aged brain possibly can for my day job, and what better way to learn it than to use it? Don't expect much off the bat though. It's still pretty early in the process, and currently I'm importing as much as I can from my old Blogger sites.

So, if you managed to hang on this long, things are finally going to change for the better (he says with a politician's smile)!

This is... what... the third time I've left this place? the first was to go to Vox, but I never really liked it there. The second was to try my own blogging deal at fizzleandpop.com but the software I was using made updating a chore. I'm pretty sure that makes this the third, which should make it the charm.

I'm hosting the WP site at the burned and salted ground of fizzleandpop.com. That's right. I tore that bitch apart! All gone, all gone. No great loss. I'll be able to update the new F&P from my phone.

I'll leave the bones of the original F&P here, in the sun, to age and fade as it will.

I hope to see you at the new place.

Collin

In support of my pants hypothesis

2009-09-08T12:53:00.001-06:00

The other day I saw an old man – he looked to be in his 70s or 80s – walking up Academy Blvd. He still had a jaunty – if slow – step, so life must not have been too cruel to him overall. He also had on a new pair of jeans. Yes, jeans. Jeans with the cuffs rolled up. About six inches worth of rolled cuffs. Why would he do that? I know why. Because he used to be taller. At least six inches taller. Gravity's a bitch.

Old Man Pants

2009-08-27T17:08:00.001-06:00

I think I figured out old man pants. You know, the pants that are worn belted about five inches above your belly button. Here's what I figure:

From the time I entered the Air Force back in 1987 until now I've always bought size 30 length pants. It's locked in my head that it's the proper size for me in the same way that my shoes are a 9 1/2. Never-you-mind the waist size. That's always changing and never for the better. I look forward to the day when I'll eventually be twice as round as my legs are long. I'll have a cake to celebrate! The... whole... fucking... cake. Candles and all. Won't even blow them out. The spit'll get 'em, and blowing cuts into eating time.

Anyhow. The last three pairs of pants that I've bought have all been labeled (a number I'm not sharing) x 30. All three are too long. By at least an inch or so. I'm freaking shrinking. Or my legs are. Maybe I'm staying the same height but my spine is stretching and my pelvis is falling groundward. I don't know. I'm not a scientist! All I know is something's amiss.

So I'm having to hike them up a bit higher than normal. I figure this is what happens to old men. Ears, ear hair and nose hair grows; legs shrink. But we don't want to let go of that magic number that we achieved and memorized in our 20's. We think, "If I buy shorter pants then they'll be TOO SHORT and I'll look like an IDIOT! I know I'm a size 30, goddammit!" This, in spite of the fact that we are walking on the cuffs of the new pants. We can't put on a pair of the old ones just to check because the waist doesn't fit... for some reason. Mmmm. Cake.

So, we keep hiking up the pants until it no longer feels wrong, secure in the knowledge that the size is right. Sure, our junk is getting squished all the time, but you get used to that as well. Tighty-whiteys helped pave the path there. Besides, in a few years you won't need your junk anymore anyway. Before you know it, your belt is five inches above your belly button, you're walking funny, can no longer pee due to crushed plumbing, and kids are shaking their heads at you and wondering if you have any idea how stupid you look. Fuck you junior! Just you wait 'til YOUR legs start shrinking! Asshole.

Scene: A Courtroom

2009-08-11T12:58:00.001-06:00

Jonathan Franklin, the defendant, is on the stand, shifting a bit, sweating a bit. Eyes dart around, looking at the jury, the lawyers, the audience. The prosecutor moves into the foreground.

Prosecutor: "Your Honor, members of the Jury, you've heard the witnesses, seen the evidence presented so far, and have possibly already arrived at your conclusions. However I received new evidence this morning that will remove any doubt in your mind as to Jonathan Franklin's guilt."

He turns around and lifts a boombox from its place on the table, turns back and speaks to the defendant.

Prosecutor: "Mr. Franklin... get up and dance!"

Defense: "I object! Your Honor, this has no bearing on the case whatsoever!"

Prosecutor: "All will be clear within minutes your Honor!"

HizHonor: "I'll allow it."

Prosecutor: "You heard the judge Mr Franklin... shake your booty."

The prosecutor hits play on the boombox, and 'I Like Big Butts' fills the courtroom. Mr. Franklin reluctantly rises, moves in front of the bench and gets down the best he can. It's pretty pitiful. A fair amount of shuffling, awkward starts and stops, and twice he bumps into the stenographer. The prosecutor stops the music at the part where Sir Mix-A-Lot is offering his opinion on silicone parts.

Prosecutor: "That will be all Mr. Franklin. You may return to the stand. Your Honor, members of the Jury, as you can plainly see," points at Mr. Franklin, "GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM!"

Pandemonium erupts, the judge bangs his gavel, Mr. Franklin jumps to his feet and starts shouting.

Franklin: "No! NO! I'm white! White I tell you! It proves NOTHING!"

The bailiffs rush forward and subdue Mr. Franklin, removing him from the courtroom as he kicks, screams and spits. The prosecutor stands with his arms folded looking mighty smug and humming about big butts.

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...

2009-08-06T13:20:00.001-06:00

... you know why? As was revealed in a recently discovered ancient scroll found in the desert among the dunes and what-have-you, on the 8th day, God had snacks. Among the snacks was THE Banana. The first, the biggest, the proto-banana. King Banana. Seriously, it was huge. Still not totally rested from those six days of frenzied making of everything there was, after eating THE Banana He tossed the peel over His shoulder. He spaketh, "I'll create someone to pick that up later," to nobody in particular, decided it was good, stretched, yawned and took a nap. Unfortunately, the peel lay right in the path where Time marches. Thus, Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping.

---

I have another deign up for voting at SplitReason.

The votes started off pretty strong but seem to have stalled. Hopefully it'll get printed.

Summer Colds Suck

2009-07-01T15:00:00.001-06:00

Indeedeedoo.

Still here

2009-06-23T13:44:00.001-06:00

For several weeks on the way in to work I've wanted to get a picture of the sign in front of Independent Records on Platte so that I could make some funny with it. Being me, I didn't get around to it in time, and now it's been changed. It had been announcing the impending arrival of a couple of CDs. It read:

Jun16
Rancid
Dave Matthews

I was going to say something along the lines of how I didn't know Dave needed to be kept refrigerated... but without the visual why bother? Lost opportunities.
---
I'm back to actively looking for a new full time job. They're still using me at Graham for now, but as the days roll by I'm becoming more and more certain that I'll never be rehired here, and if I freelance for the rest of the year I'm going to be royally fucked come tax time. It wouldn't be so bad if I was making enough to be able to put some aside for taxes as well as pay the bills, but I'm not. Not even close.
---
Depression is kicking in again. I can tell. Everything I try to do leads to frustration. I want to throw and kick shit way too much. Bah. Just thinking about it is making my head vibrate. Essentially, I'm engulfed by the feeling that everything I do is pointless and doomed to failure. Don't bother saying it isn't true. On some level I know that I'm good at some things, but right now I can't find that place. The only thing that is going to get me through this is knowing that it's not new and I've gotten through it before. But even that doesn't really help much. Since my ears have started ringing and I want to scream, it's time to write about something else.
---
A couple of weeks ago I found out that my mom has been mad as hell at me for a long time because of some of the stories I've written here that involved her and my childhood. She still is, I guess. Nothing to be done about it though. I apologized, but pointed out that they are my stories too, since they involved me, and I had a right to tell them. If she didn't want that part of our lives to be brought into the light of day, she should have tried a bit harder to keep me the fuck out of it. She countered with how her other children would never have betrayed her like this. After that it turned ugly. I'll bet it was interesting for the other shoppers in the Antique Mall. So it goes.

---
Yesterday I finished reading an excellent book that Heather got for me for Father's Day by one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore, called "Fool". I read it in two days. He's a gifted author. He just needs to write more, dammit.
---
That's probably as happy an ending to this post as I can come up with today. Hopefully next time I'll manage to be more upbeat.

The job search continues...

2009-06-02T17:20:00.001-06:00

Last week I made less freelancing at my former place of employment than I would have if I had just sat around, drawing unemployment. This week isn't going that great either. So I'm still keeping an eye out for job opportunities. I have one person starting up a game company interested in having me fill an artist position, but I'm thinking it's a low-to-no compensation deal, so it'll have to be a background gig at best. I might be wrong though. I'll see when he gets back in touch with me.

I've also been wandering around the local craigslist and decided to look away from my field and see what else is being offered. I came across a posting for "Phone Actors & Actresses"... I'm thinking "Sex Line." That, or perhaps they call up people and do Macbeth at them until they're paid to stop.

*ring*ring*

"Hello?"

"And oftentimes, to win us to our harm, The instruments of darkness tell us truths, Win us with honest trifles, to betray's In deepest consequence."

*click*

*ring*ring*

"Hello!?"

"Nothing in his life Became him like the leaving it; he died As one that had been studied in his death, To throw away the dearest thing he ow'd, As 'twere a careless trifle."

*CLICK*

*ring*ring*
*ring*ring*

"Grrr...WHAT!?"

"I have no spur To prick the sides of my intent, but only Vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself And falls on the other."

"STOP CALLING!"

**SLAM!**

-30 minutes and 20 phone calls later-
*ring*ring*
*ring*ring*

"Okay... What... What can I do to make you stop? Just... please stop."

"It's $3.95 a minute for me to stop and it's been... 35 minutes, so that's... $138.25. We take Visa and Paypal."

"That's insane! I won't pay!"

"That's your choice, but I have all night and a lot of Shakespeare left. Keep in mind, the longer we go the more it'll cost you. Next up is King Lear. Here's a free sample: 'Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks! You sulphurous..."

"STOP! STOP! I'LL PAY!"

"Damned right you will."

--------

Okay, one thing I can't find a way to do with Blogo is change the color of text. It's mind boggling that I can't find a way outside of coding in HTML to simply change text color. I hope it's just something I'm missing.

As promised.

2009-05-27T15:52:00.001-06:00

The Magic Bullet Trick as performed by me, Derek and Terry. Seeing this has shown me in a way that no mirror ever has just how annoyingly fat I am. *sigh*

It's around 75 degrees out today, which wouldn't feel so warm if we hadn't had nine-ish straight days of clouds, rain, and 50 degree weather. On the way out to lunch I saw some poor bastard cavorting around in an armadillo costume as a shill for the Texas Steakhouse... T-Bone... whatever it's called. It was an intricate, full body, large head, mascot style costume, and looked hot as hell as he shuffled about with tiny hops and halfhearted spins. I felt pity for him as I went by, both out to lunch and back. I also thought that it'll really suck if I find myself in the next few months having to beg businesses to allow me to be their living signpost just to keep from losing the house. Colorado Springs is the wrong place to be an unemployed graphic designer. I don't know where the right place is.

More testing and games.

2009-05-26T13:46:00.001-06:00

This is a test of the embedding capabilities of Blogo. Also, Prototype looks gruesomely awesome! I figure I can buy one game, max, over the next several months or until I've been at a full-time job for at least a month and it's between this and inFamous, linked below:

I've tried the demo, and it plays really well. It feels a lot like the Xbox 360 game Crackdown – a game that I spent countless hours playing back in the day, and have been hoping for a sequel to ever since finishing it. However there are a few things I found annoying with the demo, top among them was how hard it was to get to the ground without grabbing on to things on the way down. It felt a bit too sticky. Otherwise it was a fun time, and for a demo it was pretty expansive, giving what I expect is a good feel of what the full version will play like.

This is what Justin's buying with his remaining allowance. The demo of it was excellent as well. So between it and either Prototype or inFamous, we should be set for gaming for at least the next three months, if not longer.

Yeah. I'm a gaming addict. Speaking of games and gaming, Justin has really progressed in learning his way around TorqueScript and Torque Game Builder, and just recently finished writing a design document for the first game he wants to work on. I'm a fair bit behind him as far as the learning, but I'm getting there. More about all that later.

Two posts in one day. How about that? I'm liking Blogo.

I'm testing a new program.

2009-05-26T12:42:00.000-06:00

Well, new to me at least. I'm trying out a program called "Blogo" that says it's "Blogging made easy" and you can "Post from the comfort of your desktop" which, if true, means I'm likely to start posting again. I'm testing the program now because it's available through todays MacUpdate Promo for 48% off, an offer that expires in little over 9 hours.

What's been happening in my life? Well, I'm still unemployed, although I've been able to – so far – freelance at my former place of employment just enough to stay on top of my debt. If that stops I'll be back to panicking. Until then I'm stable at "reasonably concerned, yet stuffed with dread."

Last night I went with Derek to Freak Train up in Denver and we performed a magical bullet catch trick we'd been kinda practicing for about a month, assisted by our former coworker, and hell of a slight-of-hand artist, Terry Gonzales. It went...

Well, it went. From my vantage point I couldn't tell just how it went. I do know that I fumbled one of my key parts, but I don't know how visible it was to the audience. But whatever. It's Freak Train. One of the most forgiving audiences you can hope for. And it's done, which is everything I hoped for. My son was with us, and he filmed all of the goings on with Derek's camera. If and when the video goes live I'll post it here.

In the meantime, back to testing. First a test of image placement:

Next, a thumbnail linking to a full size image:

So, thoughts from any die-hard fans in the background: should I let Fizzle & Pop die, and move on to some other bloggy endeavor with a breadcrumb trail left behind for people interested to follow, or should I keep things here? To be honest, after all of this time I'm kinda tired of the site, and that may be contributing to my lack of posting more than anything. Well, that and being boring. It may be time to shake things up a bit, see if I can stir up any interest that may be hiding behind the furniture.

Now to post. I'll write again soon. Especially if this program works out and I buy a license. Then I'll HAVE to, if only to justify the expense.

I felt it coming.

2009-03-23T11:55:00.001-06:00

Annnnd I'm laid off. As of last Thursday, the 19th. This has been a year of "what-the-fuck?!" and it's only about a quarter over. Fun fun.

Recurring Nightmare

2009-02-11T12:30:00.001-07:00

A long time ago, when my son was maybe 2 years old – so 14 years ago – my car was broken into during the night. It was parked in front of the house. I came out to the driver's side door, on the street side, standing open. The glove box had been rifled through and anything of value was gone. The doors had been locked, but it was a late 80s Ford station wagon so I can't imagine it was that hard to break into.

So I got into the car, straightened up the glove box, put in the key and turned it. Nothing happened. I was already going to be late for work and now the car wouldn't start. I'd had problems with it before, and thought the battery cables might be loose. So I popped the hood release, got out and lifted the hood. Indeed, the cables were loose. Very loose. They were just hanging there. The battery was gone.

Yep. The fuckers also stole my battery.

Since then, off and on, I'll have a dream where I'm coming out to my car and it's been ransacked. I'm talking to the point of doors, tires, even the entire engine missing. I have no idea what triggers the dream, but I had it again last night. The difference this time was, in the dream, I was tired of this crap happening all the damned time. So I gathered what I could of the car and took it to a person who supposedly would be able to make it so nothing could be taken from my car ever again, but it was going to cost me $400. I woke up before deciding whether or not to have the work done.

To this day, I never keep anything of value in my car.

My lame humor.

2009-02-09T12:25:00.005-07:00

The other day, Heather and I were in Barnes & Nobles. I saw this book on the new arrival shelf:

I picked up two copies of the book, turned to face Heather, and without saying a word bumped them together a couple of times:

She laughed. She gets me.

25 Things - List of things... random things... about me.

2009-02-06T17:12:00.001-07:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1 - I've had two legal name changes in my life so far. Let's just say me and the mafia have this thing that goes way back. It's not true, but let's say it for giggles.

2 - I hate to travel, yet I've been to England. I hated the trip, but I really enjoyed my two years in the country. The trip back was even worse, and it ended in the the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport. It was like having to go through purgatory and ending up in Hell. Sorry, Jeannie, but I'm no fan of Texas.

3 - I'm a perfectionist. Just not a very good one. That annoys me.

4 - I haven't broken a bone yet. Mine or anyone else's.... wait, no, I did break Derek Knight's thumb once, but he was asking for it. I'm still break free though.

5 - I don't really know how many movies and TV shows that I have on DVD. Some people can count them off in their head. I can't do that. Nowhere close. And they are in at least three different rooms of the house.

5 - What I said about DVDs also applies to video games. I've been a gamer since the Atari 2600 days, and really should have pursued a career having something to do with games. But I didn't. That's one of my main regrets. I haven't had all of the major gaming systems, just most of them.

6 - I also love to read. Especially humorous fiction. My favorite authors are Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore, Robert Lynn Asprin and John Scalzi.

7 - I've hydroplaned for about 200 feet on a motorcycle on one of the busiest streets in Colorado Springs. I didn't crash, but when I was able to recover and stop I was shaky for a half hour.

8 - I DID crash a motorcycle in a roundabout just outside of Bicester in England. Like an idiot I pulled out without really looking and there was a car ready to smash the crap out of me. So, I gunned straight into the bushes in the middle of the circle, flipped, rolled a couple of times. Next thing I knew there were several concerned Brits gathered around me asking if I was okay. Surprisingly I was, just really embarrassed at being a dumb American.

9 - Years later, back in the states, I rolled my Volkswagen beetle while taking a corner too sharp on a wet road. I ended up at rest on the driver's side of the car surrounded by a haze of battery acid – in the old beetles the battery was stored under the backseat, and my car had no back seat, so it splashed everywhere as I tumbled. I was helped out through the passenger door by people who were amazed I wasn't really screwed up. We got the car back on its wheels and I was able to drive it the rest of the way to work. My throat and chest were hurting and all I could smell was acid. I flushed myself out the best I could in the bathroom, then called my girlfriend at the time to tell her what happened. The first question out of her mouth, "Is the car okay?" She's my ex now.

10 - My friend, Mike Burns and I used to do all kinds of stupid things. He was my best friend in third and fourth grades. He had a lazy eye. He was also diagnosed as hyperactive, so he couldn't eat sugar of any kind. Going to his house for after-school snacks was not a high point of the week, but I felt sorry for him. So I would sit and eat the celery while thinking about the Carnation instant breakfast bar that waited for me at my house. Of the many stupid things we did, two stand out.

11 - One was taking a bunch of primer caps from my dad's ammo bench and taking them out to the sidewalk and hitting them with a hammer. The third one I hit ricocheted off the surface of the sidewalk hand hit him on the forehead about a half inch up and between his eyebrows. It made a crescent shaped cut in his head that bled a bit and scared the crap out of both of us. We learned from that one.

12 - The second thing was we would take the powdered bug poison my dad had for the roses and other garden plants, climb up into the rafters of my garage, take a handful of poison each, and toss it into the air while making explosion noises. I recall it looked cool. God knows how much of it we inhaled, and it's amazing I'm not sitting in corner somewhere passing what little life I have left drooling. I suppose there's still time for that though.

13 - I didn't even know how to drive a car until after I was in tech school in the Air Force when I was 19. And that was an automatic that I wrecked within two months of buying it. I t-boned a car at an intersection because I couldn't see due to the sun setting behind the Rockies, and the pitted window in the old used car I'd bought. I had been following the car in front of me, trusting that he knew what he was doing. What he was doing was running lights. The guy I hit was massively pissed. He'd just bought the car a week before. What he didn't do, however, was purchase insurance. So I got a ticket for running the light, and he got a ticket for not having insurance and had to pay for his own repairs. My car was totaled.

14 - I didn't learn to drive a standard transmission car until I bought the beetle I mentioned when I was 24. The rest of my time was spent on motorcycles. I loved them. Now I'm thinking if I had a motorcycle it would end me. A shame really, as I would really like one. That said, I wouldn't want either of my kids to ever ride a motorcycle, unless I was driving it. I don't trust anyone else, and I can never be a passenger on a bike anymore.

15 - I'm not very good at being brief.

16 - If I don't know you well, I probably come off as someone totally lacking in all human interaction skills and emotions. This is due to my surprisingly intense introversion, and never really living anywhere long enough while growing up to develop decent people skills. Not to mention my adult role models were a bit lacking on their part. I did manage to learn at a rather young age that you need to separate the seeds and stems from the huge pile of weed on the coffee table with precision, or else they pop while the joint is burning and pisses off the adults. That's not something I would have picked up just anywhere. Once I'm around someone long enough I'll relax and become somewhat more tolerable.

17 - One of my cousins liked to chew on the lead weights that were in the bottom corners of the curtains in her room. It was the 70s. She's a parent now, and her kids seem normal. She offered me one, and I just said no. Okay. Fine. I chewed on it a little bit, but I didn't like it that much, and I didn't inhale.

18 - In spite of #16's lesson plan, I've never done drugs. I could see how it effected the people around me and decided at a very early age that I wanted no part of it. I've been in enough dope clouds at an early age though to have developed a few contact highs.

19 - I don't drink anymore. I drank a LOT in England, and kept on going heavy back in the States. One night around 1992 while having a fight with the girlfriend from #9, I drank a bottle and a half of Crown Royal. I went all the way past drunk. After that night I felt sick. Very sick. And for several years after, if I so much as tasted alcohol I would feel like I was going to vomit. So I got out of the habit.

20 - I realize this has been stupid long, so my "things" from here on out are going to be short. Brief, if you will. That thing I'm not good at being. I really like peanut butter.

21 - My favorite numbers are 9 and 13.

22 - My favorite color is green.

23 - I don't like gambling.

24 - I'm not that keen on sports.

25 - I've never met my biological father, and really have no desire to.

And there it is. 25 things.

An update and so much more!

2009-02-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

First things first, my daughter is adjusting well enough to a daily grind that is chock full of insulin shots, checking blood sugar at least four times a day or more, eating six meals a day, and counting carbs. Speaking of blood checks, there was a string of four or five days where we had to check her blood sugar at 2am because it was below 150 before her bedtime snack. By the end of that run we were both exhausted.

She needs a breakfast that contains 45g of carbs, a 9 am snack containing 15g, a 11:30 lunch containing 60g, a 2:30 snack containing 60g (long story, involves mother/daughter tradition of sorts), a 6pm dinner of 45g, and a bedtime snack of 15g. We're going to look at adjusting those amounts a bit so that she can eat more at her main meals because she seems to be constantly hungry lately. She can do in-between snacks of zero-carb foods, but it's just getting silly lately. She's eaten enough cheese lately to be nicknamed "Wisconsin". She had managed to regain half of the weight she had lost before going into the hospital.

I'm also starting to get a better grip on what the two types of insulin she's taking do to her system. Pretty soon the diabetes assistant (I don't know the exact job title) is going to have me take over figuring out the doses. Wheee. No pressure or anything. I've already learned that it's better for her blood to be a little high than to be low.

On to the "more" of the title. Over at facebook, I've been "tagged" to take part in making a list of 25 random things about me. I haven't had time to do it yet. Honestly, I haven't had time for much of anything lately, and when I do have time I don't have energy. BUT. That said, I will be getting to this list either tonight or tomorrow morning. When it's done I'll also post it here. I plan to be as random as I can, so it should be fun.

I also haven't forgotten the daily doodle, although I might not be starting it up again until Monday. I used to have an hour before starting work, during which I would write a post and get other stuff done. Now my hours have been adjusted so I could leave work a bit earlier so I can get home in time for Jordyn's dinner, and now I'm lucky if I have 15 minutes free before work. In the morning it takes me 15 minutes to yawn, let alone try to think of anything worth writing about. So if I can't write anything during lunch, I probably won't post that day.

This is a lunch post. Pardon the peanut butter breath.

Before everything happened with my daughter I had a few potentially humorous things to talk about, but for the life of me I can't remember them now.

I do have a bit of advice though. If you are teetering on the brink of exhaustion, do not try to operate a fruit peeler unless you aren't that fond of the skin on your knuckles. It's just a bad idea.

Well, my time for the day is up. I'll try my hardest to yap at you tomorrow.

Busy

2009-01-28T08:12:00.003-07:00

I was too busy on Friday to post, and on Saturday night my daughter had to go to the emergency room. There she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She was really close to dying. She didn't get out of the hospital until yesterday afternoon. We have a lot to learn, but she's doing much better now. I expect to be very busy until we get a routine developed, so posting will be sporadic if at all. And that's it. No funny for now.

Songs, magical songs

2009-01-22T08:10:00.005-07:00

I woke up with a song I don't like stuck in my head and it won't go away. So, as long as it's here I might as well make fun of it.

"Wake Up Little Susie" by The Everly Brothers.

This is what Wikipedia has about the song's premise:

The song is written from the point of view of a high school boy to his girlfriend, Susie. In the song, the two go out on a date to a drive-in movie theater, only to fall asleep during the movie. They do not wake up until 4 o'clock in the morning. They then contemplate the reactions of her parents and their friends.

Although banned in such places as Boston, the song does not state that Susie and her boyfriend had sexual relations. Indeed, it strongly implies that they did not: the couple simply fell asleep because they were bored by the film.

This song was released in 1957. Here are the key lyrics, my thoughts in red:

"Wake up, little Susie, wake up
"We’ve both been sound asleep, wake up, little Susie, and weep
"The movie’s over, it’s four o’clock, and we’re in trouble deep "

What drive-in is unmanned in the 50s? Nobody noticed a car just sitting there and thought to check it out before 4 in the morning, at a movie that was supposed to be over before 10 the previous night*? Until reading that, I'd always assumed they fell asleep in the boy's house watching a movie on TV. It makes more sense, but only barely. Also, nice touch telling her to wake up and cry already.

"I told your mama that you’d be in by ten
"Well Susie baby looks like we goofed again"

*Yeah, I got ahead of the song there, but see? She was supposed to be in by 10. Also, they goofed AGAIN? Kid, if this is becoming a habit, why start worrying now? You didn't learn anything the first dozen or so times and you managed to live past them. Is this the time where her mama is going to end you with a rolling pin?

"The movie wasn’t so hot, it didn’t have much of a plot
"We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot "

"Our" reputation? Let's see.. HER reputation is probably shot, what with acting a slut and all, but you're gold playah. Although, all this concern of yours about "our" reputation... hmmm...

"Whatta we gonna tell your mama
"Whatta we gonna tell your pa
"Whatta we gonna tell our friends when they say “ooh-la-la” "

Tell them he's gay. 'Out' his ass. It's obvious really. He took you to a drive-in movie and you both fell asleep for over six hours and didn't fool around at all. He wakes up and is panicking like a bitch. He's gay and you're his beard. Tell your mama and pa that he's a boy you feel comfortable with, you spend hours doing each other's hair and gossiping about which jocks at school are cute. That'll shut them up. Sure, being outed in the 50s isn't an optimal thing for him, but at least it puts the reputation ball back in your court, Susie. Ask yourself, "Do I want to be called a slut?" And remember how panicked and whiney he was when you were trying to catch some z's. Is this a guy you want to ruin your reputation for? As for your friends, shit, they're gay too. "Ooh-la-la" indeed.

No doodle today. I'm out of time and really not feeling up for it right now.

More randomness than you can shake a whale at.

2009-01-21T07:52:00.004-07:00

Why a whale? Because it's big and your arms would get tired after one or two shakes, because, honestly, there's not much to this post today. I figure that I'm feeling a bit run down and was reasonably entertaining yesterday, so eh.
-
The other day my daughter was trying to keep our dog's toy football away from him. Apparently – I was at work at the time, so this is all second hand – he knocked her to the ground and took it from her. Her response: "I've been vanquished."
-
I plan to once again take part in the utter crap-shoot that is the Woot T-Shirt Derby this week. Not because I think I've gotten any better since I last took part in it. I haven't, especially on deadline designs. No. It's because now the reward for having one of the top three shirts for the week is up to $1000, and $2 per shirt that sells after the first day. I lucked into a spot once before, perhaps I can again. So, barring illness, this Thursday after they announce the next theme, I'm going to get my happy ass designing.
-
Over at Redneck Diva's home she had been talking about a recent visit to the dentist. Both my kiddos just had an check up on Monday and they are all kinds of messed up. The girl managed to swing four cavities, although two were on the teeth touching her spacer so they were expected. "Expected" doesn't mean "free to fix" though. Naturally. I should also mention that she got a huge bag of all kinds of candy from her BFF for her birthday, and now she can't eat it. At least not as fast as she would like. The boy has cavities on his incoming wisdom teeth, so they are going to need to be pulled. Fun times. Anyhow, over at Diva's I commented on how we need little birds like alligators have that would sit in our mouths and clean our teeth. Or is it crocodiles? Either way, we need those birds. It would also be nice if they were mint flavored so you could suck on them when they were done, then spit them out and have all kinds of fresh breath. So, get to work on that God. And since birds might not be workable, even with divine direction, my fallback idea is nanobots. Mint flavored nanobots. Get to work on that science. It's a race!
-
"Out of left field." Why? Specifically, why left field? I realize it's probably a baseball related saying, and I know as little as I can manage about baseball, but does stuff traditionally come unexpectedly from left field? As traditionally as something unexpected can be, of course. Aren't there more unexpected places for things to come from in a baseball stadium? "Jesus! That came totally from the hot dog vendor!" I suppose I could research it, but as I've said here before, no.
-
We have another podcast. In it I say, maybe, three words. Five at the most. Unless Derek dubbed some more in without telling me. Click to listen.

-
That's long enough. Here's the next stage in the first SloMo Design:

What the hell? I don't know. I really don't.

What a politicelicous day!

2009-01-20T12:30:00.005-07:00

Not this post though. This post is almost 100% politics free, however it could contain trace amounts of peanuts. If while reading this you experience shortness of breath and a swelling in your throat, or you have a history of peanut related allergies, stop reading immediately and consult a physician. You're dying! Hurry!

I used to have horrible allergies when I was a kid. It was first misdiagnosed as asthma by some officer tard at the Peterson Air Force Base Medical Center when I was – wait for it... – nine. So for a long time I was the dweebie kid with an inhaler and a fear of physical activity that I'd been told could lead to a thrashing-on-the-floor-clutching-at-my-throat, gaspy death. Fucking inhaler. I hated that thing.

Many years later when I was 14 and living with my dad in Pueblo, I went in for my first and only allergy test. I don't know if it's still done this way, but as I recall at the time they had a rack of needles that were each coated with some form of evil that was poked into your back, it was covered with a sheet of paper or something and then they sat back and watched what happened. Half my frickin' back blew up. When the doctor lifted the sheet he did that sharp inhalation of breath like "hsst..." and said, "Oh my." The biggest bumps were cats and politics, and there were about six other lesser bumps that were pulsing for attention. None of the allergies were peanuts of course. That's not one that creeps up on you, especially if half your diet up to that point was peanut butter in one form or another; Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, peanut butter infused Carnation Instant Breakfast Bars (back when they were good), peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter cookies, peanut butter on a spoon, etc. What can I say? I'm a fan.

Over the last 26 years most of my allergies have abated somewhat. I'm still pretty allergic to cats, but not all cats, and if I can avoid touching my face after handling a cat I can usually manage to not run screaming to the bathroom in search of water. It's a huge step up from where walking into a room with a cat would make my face turn red and cause me to try to claw my brain out through my eyes out for the blessed release that death might bring. I'm still not on board with owning a cat though, which wouldn't be a problem except both Heather and my daughter would love to have one. My daughter helpfully points out that there is medicine I can buy that would help me be less lame regarding cats. My problem with that theory is, if I don't have the medicine handy, I would have to leave the house naked (because when you have a cat the hair gets everywhere), hose myself off in the back yard and then hope somebody gets me more medicine. Plus there's the fear that it will one day decide that I must die and sit on my face while I'm sleeping and nobody is watching.

Well, that's pretty much all the time I have for posting today. I hope it was more fun than the last several have been. Here's the current SloMo Doodle:

It just felt like a balloon kinda day.

I wish it was Sunday.

2009-01-19T07:30:00.001-07:00

'Cause that's my fun day. My "sit around playing Fable 2 for half the damned day" day. But no, it's time for another Monday. My apologies to The Bangles.

I'm trying to hold at bay some kind of head sickness that involves sinus pain and a horrible pain back behind the right side of my jaw, just below my ear. Thanks to the new "health plan" that I went with this year – a high deductible with a Heath Savings Plan – and the likelihood that I'm going to take a 7.5% pay cut on top of the 25% cut I took last August – assuming my job doesn't just go away entirely– I'm going to have to ride this fucker out, wherever it takes me. The good news is the pain that I had behind my jaw has lessened to a dull ache from the stabbing, drop-me-to-my-knees pain that I had whenever I opened my mouth wide or put any pressure on my right molars yesterday. I'm thinking it was caused by drainage from my ear since there wasn't any swelling as far as I could tell. I also recall this happening before and that was the diagnosis then. The bad news is the sinus pain started this morning, accompanied by a bit of dizziness. Anyhow, here's hoping this is the worst of it.

Enough of that.

I'll hopefully be writing again tomorrow, and with luck have something worth writing about. Here's the doodle

And Trashman, thanks for putting thoughts of a "deformed nipple" in my mind. Still no plan of direction for this one.

Friday Fun!

2009-01-16T14:10:00.004-07:00

Well, not fun really. But it is Friday. That's gotta be worth something.

My wee girl turns 9-years-old on Sunday, and we're having a small party for her tomorrow afternoon. So she's pretty stoked about that. Her mother bought 24 cupcakes for her to take to school and share with classmates today. Justin was unaware of this plan, what with spending most of his time yesterday in the basement studying some horribly complex computer related course that he purchased with his Christmas Barnes & Nobel gift cards. After dinner he said, "Ooh! Can I have a cupcake?" and was instantly told "No!" by everyone else in the house. I think even the dog said no. At the very least he wuffed. Poor guy. You would have thought by our reaction that he'd asked if he could eat a baby.

Also, an update on the unfortunate rhyme incident I wrote about last week. There have been two suggestions so far that would have been better received by my dearest than "peckerwood" was. The first was from Conqueress who offered "Pretty good - as I should!," and the second is from Heather's friend Shannon; "Pretty good, Hollywood!" Both of which further illustrate that I'm a moron, and should probably have a court order prohibiting me from attempting rhyme.

I'm feeling a bit ill today, so after this post I think I'm going to lie down for awhile. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Here is today's SloMo Doodle:

Oh happy responsibilities!

2009-01-15T07:40:00.004-07:00

So, I'm one of three new memmbers on our Homeowners' Association Board. I've never been a political person, so this should be interesting. It's a three year term. Hopefully I do more good than harm. I've already had one lobbyist which was kinda interesting.

It's looking to be a busy day at work, and as far as I know it's still my short day, so I've got to cram eight hours of work into six. I'll should get started as soon as I'm done posting.

That said, since I have nothing wondrous to impart, I'll move along to the SloMo Doodle:

If you want to see the doodle in an earlier state, scroll back through the posts. When this doodle is done I might turn it into a stop motion style animation and post it. Or, I suppose if you wanted to, you could load each image into its own tab and then quickly cycle through them, flip-book style. Also, at this point I have no idea how many days I'll drag out a doodle. New is fun!

And tomorrow is tomorrow, which is when I'll post again.

The week is only half over.

2009-01-14T08:30:00.001-07:00

Bahfooey.

One thing that might help your Wednesday along; Derek has posted the first of the three Son of Cheese Half-Hour Power Hour podcasts that we recorded last Saturday. In it "we" interview a famed star of such epics as "Elves" and "The Talking Dogs Spoof Spot," Chris Graham! I say "we" because if you've ever listened to the podcast, you'll know that I really don't say much. Still, it was a fun time and I hope he joins us again someday.

I notice there's no photo of him at his IMDB page. We might need to fix that.

Click here to listen to the fun:

On to other things.

A long time back Heather tried to get me involved in MySpace. I stuck with it for a bit. A little bit. It just wasn't for me. I'm not sure why. My page is still there though.

Now I'm slowly getting drawn into Facebook. If you would like to add me as a friend/contact/conspirator, just click here and do that voodoo that they make you do. Plus, I've been told that it's where all the cool kids go. You want to be cool, don't you? Of course you do! Next, let's try smoking!

You know those kinds of posts that are basically only links to stuff that someone else has found/made? The type that is one tiny step up from a post that says I don't have anything to talk about today? Since this has already been that kind of post, I may as well link to a story that appeared on BoingBoing a few days ago:

That's right, this is that bb story

Apparently there is a mysterious "roar" in outer space.

"Alan Kogut of NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center says he and his colleagues have discovered a mysterious "booming noise" coming from space that's six times more powerful than all other space radio sources combined."

As interesting as the story is, what I really liked were a few of the comments. My favorites being:

#15: It's the 20's
#16: "Beware, I live!"
and #45: "It's coming from inside the solar system, get out now!"

So, what do you think about the "booming noise"? Is God beat-boxing in the shower? Is it a galaxy of ravers? Does it really matter since a supervolcano is going to blow us all to hell any day now? Tell me what you think.

And the last thing for today, I've decided to start an on-line art project. I've done these kinds of things in the past, but not like this. This is going to be a slow motion doodle. I'm starting with a circle (of sorts) and each day I'll add something to it. At this point I have no idea where it's going to go. Hopefully it'll be fun. Here's the first bit (click it to make it bigger):

I'll be back to write at you more tomorrow.

Lunchtime on a busy Tuesday afternoon

2009-01-13T12:10:00.002-07:00

It's lunchtime. Today that means soup and crackers. Yesterday it was soup, crackers and a sandwich. Tomorrow it'll probably be crackers.

Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow night is our home owner's association's monthly meeting, and this month it's time to elect three new board members. This year I was talked into running, although my feelings about it are mixed at best. On the one hand I hate politics. On the other hand... Hm. Anyway. Come Wednesday night I might a have a new, non-paying job that will suck up a silly chunk of my already sparse free time! At least that's what I put on the posters throughout the neighborhood. Am I a political machine or what? Just kidding. I didn't campaign at all.

On to a bit a meme stuff to fill up space and possibly entertain. A few days back Heather took part in a meme-quest that she inherited from her blog-friend Kathleen that required her to post 10 things that she loved that start with an assigned letter. Heather's letter was 'D'. The letter she has given me is 'B'. I'm not going to be as fancy as Heather, linking to pictures and whatnot, since my lunch is half over and I haven't even thought about this list yet. As you shall soon see.

So, the rest of this post is being brought to you by the letter B...

1: Board Games - Almost any games, really, but board games are in there. Not Monopoly though. That one can go to hell.

2: Ummm... B? Really? Hm. Boston Creme donuts - I almost never eat donuts anymore, but if the situation arises and donuts need eating, these are the first I go for.

3: Beef Stew - This is probably seperating "love" from its friends, leading it down a side street followed by a dark alley and beating it until it's unrecognizable, but beef stew is what I'm eating right now and it's pretty tasty. And starts with B. On we go!

4: Brevity - I hate to ramble on and on and on and ON and on and onnnn and on and on and on and on and ONNN and on and on and... yet I always seem to. Brevity in others is pretty sweet too.

5: Bouncing Superballs - in an empty, near windowless room with another person, trying not to get hit. I haven't done it since I was nine, but it was a blast. You take turns throwing the ball as hard as you can against any surface you want and then duck and weave while it goes ballistic.

6: Halfway there, and I was out of good ideas somewhere around "Board Games." Too bad it's not things I hate... Let's see. Well, Boobs are quite a wonderful thing, and I love them far more than anything else on the list so far. All kinds of boobs really. Except man-boobs. Yes, I was bottle fed. Your point?

7: Bowie, David - For such and odd fellow, he sure can sing.

8: Best of Bootie - Music for schizophrenics, or people who really like their music mixed up in all kinds of fun ways.

9: Bumper Stickers - Even when I owned my car, I didn't put bumper stickers on it. I don't like them on my car. I love them on other people's cars. Especially when I come across a car festooned with all kinds of crazy. Like so many that there's even a bumper sticker wrapped around the tail pipe and a four inch square of empty space left in the back window to see through. I'm constantly tempted to hang around the parking lot until the owner of a well decorated car comes out just so I can see what he or she looks like. Bumper stickers might be a truer window into a persons soul than their eyes ever are.

10: annnnnd here I am at the end. I was originally going to save boobs for this position but I panicked. Instead I'll put Brains here. Besides, I love these more than anything else on this list, yes even boobs and bumper stickers. Not just for the zombie angle, as some of you who know me are probably thinking. No, I love brains because stupid people drive me nuts. NUTS!

I'm outta time and although I'm not happy with the list it's going to have to do.

Catch you tomorrow.

What a freakin' bleak day.

2009-01-12T08:30:00.002-07:00

Matches my mood almost to a T.

It's a-snowin', the wind's a-blowin' and I nearly slid into a curb getting in to work. Missed it by less than a foot, nearly head on trying to make a turn. Before that I had barely made it up the slight hill on a parallel street to the one that's a monster hill I normally drive up. Not enough traction today. No telling what it's going to be like trying to get home tonight. What a fucking day. But I've already said that.

Getting back into the swing of posting is nothing at all like riding a bicycle. Just thought I would toss that out there. I have no analogy for what it IS like. It damned sure isn't easy though.

Yesterday Heather and I went to Denver to see the musical version of 'The Color Purple'; a Christmas gift from her aunt and uncle. It was the second professional musical that I've ever seen performed live; the first being 'Mama Mia' while Heather and I were in Las Vegas last June.

It was surprisingly good. I wasn't sure how they would manage to turn that story into a musical, but all-in-all it was fun. Some really good songs and excellent performances. The show was sold out. Too many people. I'm sure Heather will post more details over at her site.

The only part of the experience that I didn't like was driving there, parking, and then trying to get the hell out afterward. If we go to another play there I'm going to see what it'll take to park away from the crazy and use the light rail to get into the thick of it. I would be willing to go to a play here in Colorado Springs, but we lack culture. Still, there may be something to do locally. I'll look into it.

A huge "hello" to Trashman! It's great to know that you're there still reading after all this time. I haven't forgotten the Zombie Pimp and Ho's drawing, and may even get to it this week now that I'm actually in the habit of drawing... somewhat. More than I am in the habit of blogging. Not to get your hopes up or anything. I will try to get it done.

Any other readers from the past still reading?

Have a great week, whoever and wherever you may be. I'll be back again tomorrow.

Would you look at the time?

2009-01-09T23:53:00.001-07:00

So. Here it is Friday night, near midnight, and I still haven't posted. I'm not even sure at this point if I'll make it before the clock ticks over and it's Saturday. I also have no idea what to write about. The layoffs are still weighing heavily on my mind, and it's hard to think of much else.

Still, I would hate to fail in my resolution after only three days.

I'm trying to create a couple of new designs to submit to SplitReason between bouts of panic, however it's not going very well. Still, I do have one idea that I think could be solid. I just need to take the time to get it done. Some days I feel amazed that I've ever managed to create anything worth a damn.

Enough of that.

Tomorrow noon-ish, Heather and I are heading over to Derek's house to record some new podcasts. When they post I'll link to them. Chris G., if by some miracle you happen to be reading this, I was supposed to tell you on Thursday when I got back from lunch that we would still be doing "the pod" and you need to show up for your interview. I was so busy trying to get ads and posters finished before I left that I forgot, and currently I still don't work on Friday. So... show up.

Could this post be any more boring? Should I talk about dinner? Bah. This is part of why I stopped blogging in the first place. If even I am not interested in what I'm writing, why the fuck would I think that anyone else would be. On the other hand, occasionally I come up with something funny/worthwhile, and if I didn't push myself to write something every day I never would.

So on I'll go.

Have a great weekend, and I'll post again on Monday. Hopefully something better than this.

The economy sucks. Hard.

2009-01-08T07:35:00.003-07:00

Hey, look at that! I'm posting for the second day in a row! Now what to write about? Lemme think... (looking at title) Sure. Why the fuck not?

I hadn't planned on writing about the economy, that was a joke yesterday, and way back when I found out that my site was read by the owner of the company I work for I swore off writing about work. However, yesterday afternoon the two collided. Work and the economy.

It's something I've been expecting. We are in a recession, the automotive industry is in trouble, and the sole means of my company's income (that I'm aware of) is the automotive industry. 1+1 nearly always =2. I've been worried ever since I took a 25% pay and hour cut back in August and nothing in the following four months happened to rosy up that picture.

Being who I am, self-centered and paranoid as a person with really long interlocking sleeves and no shoelaces, I was certain that when the ax fell, it would fall on me. Dead-fucking-certain.

I was wrong. Or at least off by a month or so. Time will tell.

Instead a few of the people I liked best in this place suffered "career displacement," one of whom I've been working with for at least 14 years and consider one of the best friends that I've ever had. It was a shitty thing to happen, and I'm pretty sure that certain animosities and friction led to his selection.

I'm not going to name any names. The people who know us know who is involved, all the details, etc. I'm also still stunned. I feel like I haven't slept. Everything has an unreal quality.

It was hard coming in to work today. I imagine it's only going to get harder. But I'm a pessimist like that. At least if the ship's sinking, some of my friends got out while there were still some life boats left.

I will say that I expect before this is over there will be another culling of the staff, and I have suspicions that they are considering eventually outsourcing the entire art department. That thought's based on something said at the meeting after the slaughter and my aforementioned paranoia and pessimism.

Enough of that. I don't know what else to say. I'm not exactly thinking the clearest right now. I fervently hope that everyone axed yesterday is able to move on to far better, happier, more satisfying things than this place has offered. I'll likely be joining you before long.

I'll try to post something more upbeat tomorrow.

New year, new start

2009-01-07T08:01:00.002-07:00

Hello to anybody reading this. If you've stuck around all this time, waiting quietly for me to blog again, congratulations! The wait has paid off! Don't you wish you spent that time playing the lottery instead? Of course you do! Because right this moment you could be raking in the dough! Instead, here's a post.

yaaaayyyy...

So. New year. All shiny and stuff. Not yet horrible. Closing in on the 10's. My past attempts at blogging at my "website", fizzleandpop.com amounted to "f"-all, so I'm back and ready to go, chock full of stories and fun for days without end! No freaking END I tells ya!

...

Speaking of stories and fun, the other night I asked my fiancé how she was doing. She replied with, "Peachy keen, jellybean! How about you?" Since she had already established the rhyming form of answer, I stupidly attempted to continue it. UNfortunately my brain is poorly and I came back with, "Pretty good..."

It was at this point that I realized where my brain was going. Nowhere safe or smart, but like a train wreck it was far too late to stop it. All I could do was sit back and watch as my lips moved. At least it was gonna rhyme. "... peckerwood!"

Her eyes got big and her mouth opened in shock. My eyes got big and I started laughing in an attempt to defuse the moment. I explained that I hadn't meant anything by it. I just wanted to rhyme, and I was unprepared. And you know me; I'm stupid. But it was funny!

As I sit here writing this I still can't think of a better rhyme with "Pretty good." I guess I'll leave the rhyming to the rappers.

Tune in tomorrow for another post full of something! I don't know what, but it'll be here. It's a new year and I'll find something to talk about! Maybe the economy! Oooooooo! I'll bet the thought of that has you just begging for tomorrow to hurry up and come already. Well, sorry, you'll just have to wait.

Two new shirts selling at SplitReason.com

2008-09-30T08:09:00.002-06:00

"Kill You With My Brain":

Kill you with my Brain t-shirt design @ © SplitReason.com

and "Not Goth - Sith":

Not Goth - Sith t-shirt design @ © SplitReason.com

Another shirt for sale at SplitReason.com

2008-08-20T09:27:00.001-06:00

Again, if you have a size in mind and it's a popular one, you might want to order early. They preprint a set number of each size and once a size is gone it stays gone until/unless they do another printing.

PaWN3D t-shirt design @ © SplitReason.com

And another one is up for voting:

Goth... Sith... design @ © SplitReason.com

Awesome!

2008-07-17T12:47:00.001-06:00

A post!

2008-07-07T10:36:00.002-06:00

I'm posting here again for now because... well, honestly I can't post at my home site blog right now. Oh the annoyance. But Blogger is no longer blocked at work, so...

I have 3 designs up for voting at SplitReason.com. Two are designs that I did for the Woot shirt derby last year, and one is a new parody I made of Gumby. If you like them, please vote for them.

Zomby design @ © SplitReason.com

Zombie Day at the Mall design @ © SplitReason.com

Taste the Brainbow design @ © SplitReason.com

This has the potential of becoming a very good thing if you have been wanting any of my work on a good quality shirt.

Is this the end of the Fizzle & Pop blog?

2007-09-12T06:36:00.000-06:00

Yes!

And no!

I'm done with Blogger, but I'm not done blogging.

If you would like to continue to follow along and keep up with what's happening in my life, click over to my brand new and ever changing site at www.fizzleandpop.com. There's a blog there, and more.

The only thing missing is my archive.

Video Game : Game of the Month

2007-08-23T17:55:00.001-06:00

Bioshock for the XBox 360. I've only been able to play it twice since getting it what with Real Life™ and all, but the only reason this wouldn't be my GOTM would be if it were to end in an hour. I don't think that's likely. So there you are.

Last night I fought two Big Daddies and lost track of the time. They are a bitch to kill. Stayed up too late. I'm sleepy. So. Little Sisters. Harvest them or cure them? I'm curing them this time around. I figure I'll harvest them next time I play through the game and see what happens. Because I know I'll be playing through again. The last game I felt this driven to play to completion was "The Darkness," and before that it was "Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay." This is a beautiful game, it controls well, and it's from the people that created "System Shock 1 & 2." The only beef I have so far is the physics are occasionally wonky. If you have a 360 and enjoy fps games with a bit of an edge, get it.

Setting a splicer on fire and then electrocuting him when he jumps in the water is fun, but using telekinesis to bludgeon a splicer to death with a nearby corpse is even more fun.

...

So, I haven't posted in awhile. Technically there's one post on my Vox site that didn't made it over here. It was short though, so here it is:

------
Woot's Shirt Derby : Results
Aug 10, 2007

None of my three designs this week that I actually put time and thought into came close to my one, half-assed, last minute design last week. The best scoring one wasn't even a tenth of the final winning vote total.

The hot dog was the highest with 47, followed by the bones with 34 and brining up the rear is the penguin with a measly 24 votes.

I've decided that I have no idea what people want. For the next derby, whatever the topic I'm making a zombie fit. Fuck it.
------

Wouldn't you know it? The following derby theme was "Superhero" which I didn't participate in because of 'Marvel Zombies.' The first two weeks of the derby were filled with people accusing other people of stealing ideas. No way was I going to touch it. But last Friday the theme was Maps, so I drew up this design:

and posted it on Friday around 1 pm. By 5 pm I was in second place with close to 100 votes. However the original design didn't have the title on the shirt and after a few comments from people who didn't feel people seeing them in the shirt would "get it" – and Derek agreeing – I realized I had to do a design tweak. I made the change, resubmitted it and lost all my votes. By Friday night, however I was back up to 2nd place and remained there through the weekend. On Monday morning I started slipping behind, and now it looks like I'll be finishing in sixth. But I did get over 300 votes, so yay zombies! We'll see what next week brings.

Randomness : Pointless Invention

2007-08-07T22:55:00.000-06:00

Found in the tubes: Automatic Candle Snuffer

I don't know which baffles me more: the idea of anyone needing an automatic candle snuffer, or the first two "illustrations" that accompany the patent. So you don't have to follow the link, and so I can fill up some space, here they are with their explanation text:

FIGURE 1

Figure 1 is a perspective view of a typical prior art candle holder. Candles may be used to provide light as well as atmosphere or mood. While it is possible to blow a candle flame out, it is not generally desirable to do so, as it may interrupt a romantic atmosphere and hinder the mood.

FIGURE 2

Figure 2 is a perspective view of the present invention in use. The device of the present invention includes a glass housing having a digital timer device attached thereto. While the timer is running it magnetizes a plate on the timer that holds the lid in the open position. When the designated time has expired, the magnetic field is terminated and the lid swings closed, sealing the housing from the oxygen supply.

My notes and observations:

(Fig. 1)

The guy has to pee, and his chest is chilly.
Has the romantic atmosphere ever been interrupted or the mood been hindered by blowing out a candle? If anything, it's just the first puff of the evening.
This is romantic?
Way to blow flame at your lady friend.
The blanket has been cut.
God the colors on that porn set are horrible.
What is up with her feet?
He really, really has to pee.
Even though they are both "users" (22), he's the one with the DTs.
Is that light blue shape a throw rug, beanbag chair or an egg?

(Fig. 2)

There is no #3 in the list of "reference numerals" on the page, and the different sized font and different arrow lead me to believe it was already part of the picture. Do I want someone too lazy to white that out having control over fire in my house?
I believe her neck is broken. He better hope they're in Vegas.
His pants are gone.
So is the blanket.
And his pecker.
You would think he'd be concerned about the whole "missing pecker" thing, but he's just smiling.
Does the Family Circus know this goes on in their border when they aren't around?

The "invention"

Where is the need for this product? "I have no mouth yet I must blow out a candle"?
Do you ever really need to decide in advance that a candle has to be put out in 3 minutes, 22 seconds? Who plans for that kind of thing?
(From Fig. 3 not shown) "After that time has expired, the timer shuts off and gravity shuts the lid, releasing it down over the opening of the tube, blocking the opening and suffocating the flame of the candle." Or... it continues to stand due to residual magnetism, or the fact that it's balanced.
If it does fall, you better hope it's a snug fit. Looking at the other Figures, I'm thinking there's a good chance of gaps.
It's ugly as sin.
Why is it rectangular rather than a tube?
WHO NEEDS THIS?

Woot.Shirts : Three designs...

2007-08-06T22:05:00.000-06:00

Well, four really, but I'm only calling attention to three. I'm not that fond of the fourth. Neither is anyone else, judging by the votes. The theme this week is "Heat." The limitations mainly are to stay within six colors, avoid gradients, and no "Woot" related shirts.

This was my first entry. It didn't quite turn out as well as I hoped. Nobody to blame but myself. Moving on...

The second entry so far is doing better than the first. Still not blazing up the ranks, but what can I do? Suck less I guess.

My last entry. Too early to tell how this one will do. I only saw two other penguin related designs after I got this idea, and the one closest in concept is nowhere close to the same in execution. It's also above 130 votes, whereas mines... not.

I said it before, but I really mean it this time. They need to not allow voting until after the submission deadline. In spite of what they think, I do believe that some people vote for the lead designs just so they can back a "winner." Allow submissions through noon on Tuesday and voting from then until noon on Thursday. But whatever. It's not my contest.

Shameless Plug : Skull Totes

2007-08-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

I just put up a new design for a tote bag at my Cafe Press store:

It's $14.99 and you can get to it by following this link or clicking the picture.

I had a companion piece that would have been with it as well, however it was flagged for looking too much like Mickey Mouse, I guess. And yes, it does a bit:

However I'm not passing it off as "he-who-shall-not-be-named," I never even mentioned the "D" word, and I think it's different enough to be safe from lawsuit. They disagree, I'm not a lawyer and there we are. I do understand. It's hard to be willing to stand up to a gigantic corporation that has managed to extend the copyright laws 11 times to keep their flagship icon from falling into the public domain. Never mind that it was that same public domain that they raped to build their empire. (For more on this, I recommend going here.) Maybe I'll make a skull bunny.

I do have another design in the works that will look quite different. No, not a skull bunny. I'll let you know when it's up.

The whole reason I'm doing designs for tote bags right now is because I'm tired of bringing my stuff to work in plastic grocery bags. I figured, if I'm going to buy a tote bag, I may as well get one that has my art on it. The reason I've chosen to do skulls is because I like 'em. While this design appeals to me, it's not quite what I'm after. The main reason it's gone up is because Heather likes it and wants it. If at least three more people want it that'll pay for my store for a month. Wheee!

Have a great weekend.

Shirt.Woot : Results of the first Derby.

2007-08-02T19:17:00.001-06:00

Uploaded with Skitch!

Podcast + Stuff : This one's better than usual.

2007-08-01T18:24:00.000-06:00

At least I think so. Probably because it's not just me and Derek yammering. Check it out:

--- Stuff ---

As a side note, the crazy number of hits I'd been getting for awhile now have apparently regained sanity and shrugged out of the wrap-around jackets. I'm back to around 30 hits a day. So... I post more and I get less traffic. Sure. Why not?

My Woot shirt is holding steady at 55 votes. 602 votes more and I could be in the lead, provided the current lead design didn't get more votes. Bah-fooey. Maybe next time.

I had a dream that Derek might appreciate. I was going on a road trip the next day and I and a couple of guys I don't know were packing up a car I've never seen in preparation. We had a dog that I don't own in a box in the front seat and a cat somewhere else in the car. One of the guys was putting a bird in a can and was about to wedge it in with the dog when I suggested that we shouldn't put the bird in the car just yet. The cat would be able to get him. The guy pointed out the bird was in a can, but I said the cat was pretty smart. Then the dog escaped from his box and was running loose. We were trying to catch him because we didn't want him to get into traffic, whereupon reality shifted and all dogs looked exactly like like people, only with wild hair, wide eyes and big smiles. That meant we were chasing this dog/guy around the yard as he flailed his arms about and woofed. I thought to myself, "It's a good thing all dogs look like this guy, or people watching might think we are trying to catch a retarded guy." I finally caught him by leaning out with my arms extended and said, "C'mere! Gimme a hug!" and he did. So I guess my subconscious for the evening had decided that cats were smart enough to de-can birds and dogs are retarded.

I can't imagine why I'm losing visitors.

Happy hump day! Go get'cha some!

Illustration Friday : "Moon"

2007-07-30T18:07:00.000-06:00

Back around October of 2003, I agreed to try to make a video of a song by Mark Maynard's band Monkey Power Trio. Lacking enough knowledge in animation programs it was doomed to failure. I had access to Flash; I just didn't know how to use it. I still don't, however I'm in the process of learning. No promises, but I may be able to finish the video sometime this year.

I bring this up because the theme for Illustration Friday, this week, coincides with the name of the song: "Someday we'll reach the moon."

Click for larger view.

This is a composite of the Flash interface and a few of the elements that I illustrated before realizing I had no idea what to do next. The concept behind the video was, it would look like one of those toys that you push a button on and the music plays while the shapes move behind a textured screen. Even though this isn't a brand-new illustration, it IS the first time I've shown it to anyone who wasn't involved in the creation process, or close to me.

If you would like to listen to the song, head here: The Monkey Power Trio's 1999 album 'Chasing Monsters With Our Love'.

Someday I'll finish that animation. Someday. Someday.

I really think the idea behind the Monkey Power Trio is awesome. They are a group of friends who get together once a year, play music for a few hours and then turn it into an actual vinyl LP. They don't practice together at any other point during the year, and yes, it shows. Yet they still manage turn turn out some interesting songs. They plan to do this every year until they die. All of their music is also available at their site as free MP3s.

---

About the Shirt.Woot Derby... ~~Maybe next time~~, and then only if they revamp how voting is done. As it is now voting is shown in real-time; the more votes an image has, the larger its icon is; "New Hotness" pretty much reflects the top five images because that's all anyone seems to be voting on; the lead image is already up to 422 votes; it's pointless to enter after the first day. Unless they change the rules, the only strategy I can think of to have a chance of winning is to do up a bunch of random designs ahead of time and then hope I can make one fit the topic on Friday at noon. The currently winning design wasn't the first design submitted, but I know it was there within 4 hours of start time. And in the forum, the creator said it was a design he made years ago in high school.

~~I'll keep you informed.~~

Ah, heck, I made a design anyway. Voting be damned. Still, I do hope they fix it so it's less discouraging.

If you are a customer of Woot (meaning you've bought anything from them) and would like to see this design made into a shirt, click on the picture to be taken to where you can vote. You'll need to be logged in, however.

More Babble : It's Friday.

2007-07-27T17:39:00.000-06:00

But you already knew that didn't you? Look at you, sitting there all smug in your daily knowledge. Well bask in it for now pal, because some day, perhaps soon, you're going to find yourself unaware of what day it is, and then who'll be smug? That's right. Me. I will be. Because I'll know the day that you don't on the day that you do... don't... know. The day. Okay, fine. It'll be a Tuesday following a holiday. I just can't keep things from you.

Enough of that. My kick-ass zombie book arrived today. It was pricey after the conversion from British pounds to "real money," but I think it was worth it. If he makes more I'll buy them. I'm stupid like that. If you don't know what book I'm talking about click here.

I was also interested in checking out the quality of work they do at lulu.com. I must say, not bad at all. The paper seems to be good quality, the inks are nice and sharp and the cover is shiny. Looking at the binding on-edge, it looks sturdy. Better than some other books I've purchased lately. I'm thinking once again about putting together a book of my own. If I did, would you buy it? I'll possibly return to an idea for a "kids book" that's not really for kids. Hmmm.

Oh, and Woot.com has started up a shirt-of-the-day site that runs similar to their item-of-the-day main site. They've also started a contest of sorts that runs kinda like Illustration Friday, only you can win money if you rock hard enough. They suggest a topic on Friday at noon and you have until noon on Wednesday to submit an idea. However if you wait that long you will not likely win. Voting closes on Thursday at noon and the winning shirt goes on sale Friday. Only people who have purchased something from Woot are allowed to vote to keep people from stuffing the ballot. Full rules are here. The winner gets $200 plus $2 per shirt that sells after the first day. The fist topic is "one." I need an idea... just one idea... hmmmmm.... ONE FREAKIN' IDEA! heh. I'll let you know if I have anything by Monday. Derek's already working on his.

Speaking of Illustration Friday, this week's topic is "Moon". I'm pretty sure I can swing that one. So you have that to look forward to next week.

Enjoy your weekend! Get out, live a little. Do one thing that you never thought you would ever do and then tell me about it on Monday.

Short Story : The toilet seat and the battle of the sexes.

2007-07-26T18:49:00.001-06:00

This didn't come up in my household recently; it was mentioned in an episode #4 of 'Man & Wife'. Scoop left the toilet seat up once and his daughter fell in. Shanda and his daughter were both angry at him for quite some time over that. That story got me thinking about my own "battle of the toilet seat" from early in my teenage years.

My dad remarried when I was 15, and his new wife had a daughter one year younger than me. My dad and I moved into their house, and the daughter and I shared a common bathroom. Up until this point I had never had to share a bathroom with a female. I soon learned all about skivvies and whatnot left over the curtain rack, the wide variety of primping materials scattered around the sink, not to use her blow dryer and to be very careful around the curling iron. I also learned that women aren't too keen on you leaving the toilet seat up after having a wizz. In the typical teenage boy way, I pretty much ignored her complaints until one day when she had one dunk in the ti-d-bol too many. There were screams and death threats that day. Her mom was on her side, and my dad suggested that I make an effort to be more mindful thereafter. So I learned to reflexively put the seat down whenever I was done with the bathroom and it's stuck to this day.

However...

Here's the question I have. If it's "not that hard" to learn to put the toilet seat down when you finish, and "any moron can do it," then why the fuck is so hard to learn to look at the seat before you start? It seems to me that's a skill that everyone should develop, just in case you find yourself in a situation where... oh, I don't know... someone else left the seat up? I do know this, in all the years that I shared a bathroom with just guys, I only fell in the freakin' toilet one time, and that was because I was tired and my eyes were on the fuzzy side. It woke me up quick and reinforced the notion to look before you squat.

So guys, learn to put the seat down when you're done. It's the polite thing to do.

But ladies, learn to look where you're planting your butt, just in case.

Random Babble : It's hump day...

2007-07-25T18:36:00.000-06:00

Hump day. That's an expression that can certainly cause a mind to wander. Especially one like mine. You know; dirty and twisted. "Happy Hump Day!" I wonder if anyone ever wished Quasimodo a happy hump day? Or bunnies. Then again, every day is a happy hump day for bunnies. Those that can get some cotton tail that is. Bunnies strapped down in science labs... not so much. "Hey bunny! I know your brain's exposed and there are needles poking into it, but guess what? It's Wednesday! Happy hump day little fellah!" We zoom in to focus on a tear rolling from an eye of the trussed up bunny as he remembers back to other, far happier hump days. Days with lots of cotton tail and hopping down the bunny trail. Until the next jolt of electricity courses through the needles in his brain and the memories vanish in a flurry of twitching. Science! Building a better tomorrow, one zapped bunny at a time.

So here we are. The regular work week is half over. We are past the hump*. We are rolling our way down the shady side of the hump. Look at us roll toward the shallow valley that is the weekend where we can spend two glorious days before having to slog our way back up the next hump. Avoid the rocks on the way down.

And to think, I almost didn't post today.

---

Derek bought a remote controlled helicopter from Woot a week or so back and it arrived today. He was messing about with it at lunch, trying to get it to lift off. It looked a bit like this:

Only without the water and Greenpeace-nics. At first it fell over a lot, then it just spun around in a clockwise circle making a noise not too unlike that of my old ford station wagon when the ignition wouldn't catch. At one point it lifted off long enough to run smack into a door. It's a shame, because it's cute as heck. It's about the size of my hand. I would say "your hand" but how would I know how big your hand is? I hope he gets it figured out. It looks like it could be fun.

---

I almost forgot, the podcast is up at Derek's site. You can listen to it by clicking here. I actually participate somewhat this time. It's a Christmas miracle in July.

---
*Obviously this doesn't apply to those of you who work irregular weeks, or don't work at all. You know who you are.

Videogame : Game of the week* - "Triangles"

2007-07-24T18:18:00.000-06:00

Arrrgh... my brain... it hurts.

Click this link to play "Triangles".

If that's a bit too much crazy in a small space, try this one: Shuffle. So far I've made it through three games before losing by one round. If you really like it then you can save the .swf file to play it offline. If you have questions about how to play a .swf file on your computer, ask and I'll answer.

*Disclaimer: Actual length of a week may vary, depending on if I remember to find something for the following week. In extreme cases of forgetfulness a week could last as much as a year.

Photoshop Tutorial : A Jing video of the "Gear" tutorial with sound and stuff.

2007-07-23T18:50:00.000-06:00

I didn't play around with Jing as much as I'd planned to. Instead I got distracted by organizing the basement and throwing crap out. However, I did make enough time to rework the gear tutorial so that you can at least see and hear what it is that I'm doing. I made the recording area about twice as wide as the first one so that you could see my tools palette and layers palette. Unfortunately, since there's no way to scale down the dimensions of a Jing video at this time, that means it's pretty big. If you give the video a listen – it's pretty short at 3 minutes 31 seconds – you'll get to hear me appeal to God for technical assistance. All was not roses in Jing video land. Since it is such a wide video (992 px) I'm going to just provide a link to it, rather than embed it on the page:

PSCS2 Tutorial 2 : Vector Gears with Sound

I checked the box that says it will add a download link, however it doesn't look to me like that's working.

Have a great week.

Humor : Saturday Morning Cartoons.

2007-07-21T11:45:00.000-06:00

In case you didn't notice, there was no post on Friday. You see, there was this ball. I had it for awhile. I was even on it for a bit. But then I dropped it. I have no idea where it rolled. Hopefully I'll find it by Monday.

To make up for the lost ball, I offer you a Saturday post.

Those of you around my age will likely remember the best thing in the world about Saturday mornings when you were a kid. Cartoons! Around my part of the world they started around 7 a.m. and terminated at noon, and that was all the damned cartoons you were likely to see for a week. What's worse is all three broadcast channels showed their cartoons at the same time, so you had to be willing to miss out on a show you liked to find out how another show was. There was no internet in those days. I sound so old when I say things like that, yet I can't stop myslef. No, you had TV Guide if you were lucky. Flip the channels if you weren't. No wonder we shoplifted and set shit on fire in our down time.

Well, the world has changed. Some of it hasn't been for the better. But there are a crapload more cartoons out there, so it isn't all bad.

I'm going to change the topic now and share the news that the Democracy Player program is almost at version 1.0 and it's name has been changed to Miro. Basically, Miro is a way to collect, watch and share web TV using bittorrent. Right now there are 1708 channels available, and it's a free, open-source project, so there's nothing you have to pay for. Much like cable TV, or satellite, a lot of it isn't worth watching. Some is though.

One channel I'm enjoying is Channel Frederator. It collects animation from everywhere, and even though I've only watched the latest episode – the rest are downloading – it was fantastic. I highly recommend it, although some of it's not suitable for children.

Another one that I'm getting a kick out of, probably because I'm bit of a pervert, is This or That!; a burlesque game show. This one's absolutely not for the kids. I've only seen two episodes so far, so my opinion might change. But I doubt it. The Price Is Right, it isn't.

One final adult oriented show I also recommend is Man and Wife. Again, I've only watched one episode so far, but I laughed at least five times during the 11 minutes it lasted. That's a pretty good laugh-to-minute ratio. Also, much like 'This or That!', it's not for the prudish.

What's my point? Hell if I know. Give Miro a try. Look around. Who knows what you'll find. Have a great weekend.

Tutorial : Taking 'Jing' for a spin.

2007-07-19T18:22:00.001-06:00

No, no Illustration Friday this week. Instead I'm testing out a program that, if it works as well as it seems to, should make my tutorials better than they've been. However they aren't likely to be available to nearly as large an audience as they are at YouTube.

The program I'm trying is 'Jing' :Home Site: and so far it works pretty nice. It saves videos as Flash files, and the size of the 1 minute 12 second demo that I made is only 1.3 MB. Also, it remains as crisp as it was on my screen. This time around I didn't add any audio to the movie. Next movie I will. It'll be interesting to see what it does to the file size.

Here's the video so you can see for yourself how it looks:

Tonight or tomorrow night I'll do this tutorial again, only with sound so I can explain what I'm doing outside the frame.

So far I really like this program. My only concern is that it's currently "not exactly" a public beta and, straight from their home page, "It’s something we want to give you, along with some online media hosting, to see how you use it. The project will eventually turn into something else." What that something else is, and how much it'll cost, I don't know. If this proves to be as useful to me as I think it will, it'll really suck to lose it.

Oh, and videos are limited to five minutes, and without the ability to edit that could be problematic. And, if I record a full screen it won't reduce it, so... We'll see. I'll play with it more this weekend.

Art & Podcast : Show announcement and I show off something old.

2007-07-18T18:05:00.000-06:00

This is the reminder that the latest episode of the 'Son of Cheese Half-Hour Power Hour' is up and you can hear it by clicking this button:

A bit ago I was told by Derek that we have a new fan. Go us.

Now on to the something old. I don't know how many long-time readers I have, but quite some time ago I talked about a comic that I was doing for Mark Maynard and his wife Linette's 'zine 'Crimewave'. The issue was delayed for quite awhile due to varying circumstances.

But good news! The next issue has been put together and will be heading into production.

The bad news is my comic won't be with it.

So, that being the case, I've decided to post it here rather than just let it vanish. To be able to read it, you'll need to click the image.

Print quality version here.

Podcast : Woo hoo!

2007-07-17T20:44:00.000-06:00

Give it a second to load...

Why I posted this will make more sense after (if) you listen to tomorrow's podcast. Don't worry, I'll post a reminder link when it's up.

Original image found here: b3ta

---

Unrelated: On the way in to work today, I was stopped downtown on Colorado Ave. and Cascade, just waiting for the light to change. I'd just missed it. To pass the time I looked out my passenger window as I tend to do. I saw a guy who looked to be in his early 20s leaning with his head cradled in his folded arms against a parking meter, sobbing. Since I'd just missed the light I had a bit of a wait watching this guy cry. At one point he looked up and looked around with tears tracks running down his face. I avoided eye contact and looked away. I didn't want to make him feel any worse by knowing he was being watched. A few seconds later I glanced back and saw that he had returned to his sobbing against the meter. A bit before the light turned green he straightened up, wiped his face with his sleeves, squared his shoulders and crossed Cascade occasionally looking behind him as he went.

I wonder what caused him to break down like that. He didn't look entirely homeless, so I don't think it was a case of the street crazies. I say "entirely" because he was a bit grubby, but potentially employed.

My first thought was that it was over a woman. He looked like a guy who had been dumped.

My second thought was that he'd accidentally put his favorite coin in the meter, and he spent the whole time crying about it. My second thoughts are usually not very nice.

I'll never know the real reason why he was crying though. And now neither will you.

The situation also brought to mind the time some friends and I were crossing a street in London when we saw a woman walking around, barefoot and topless with a dazed expression on her face, crying and talking to herself. When anybody approached her she would start screaming. It was surreal. I'm not sure why I thought about her, looking at this guy. I just did.

Video Games : My Shareware Game of the Month is...

2007-07-16T19:29:00.000-06:00

Jets'n'Guns Gold : Home Page

It's available for both Windows and Mac OS X.

Jets'n'Guns is a side-scrolling shooter. If you don't know what that is, watch the video below to get an idea.

Normally I'm not that big a fan of shooters. With few exceptions, I feel the frustration of playing that kind of game far outweighs the enjoyment it offers. Jets'n'Guns Gold is one of those exceptions. Don't get me wrong, it's still frustrating as all Hell. In fact, it may be the most frustrating shooter I've continued to play after an hour. It's fun enough that that's okay.

What I feel it does right:

There aren't "lives." You have one ship and it's "health" is displayed in a gage at the bottom left. When you die it's "mission failed." ...however. This is where they do it right in my opinion. You can try again with a press of the spacebar, so you aren't limited to three, five, or 10 lives. Like many other shooters. If you've reached a checkpoint you will continue from that checkpoint. If your ship just isn't configured right for the mission you are on, you're better off hitting 'escape,' which takes me to the next thing they did right.
Things you buy for your ship – guns, missiles, bombs, even the ship itself – don't lose value. That means if you buy an autotrack minigun for 35,000, pay 65,000 to upgrade it two levels and then decide you would rather try something else, you can sell it and get back every dime you spent on it. A lot of other games I've played either lock you into your purchase decisions, or they penalize you by only allowing you to sell your equipment back at a fraction of what you paid for it. Many, if not all, RPGs follow that "real economy" model, but I feel it's stupid for a shooter to, particularly if you are limited in the money that you can earn. More on that soon.
The visual style is excellent. I love the look of this game. And it controls well.
Smacking into a wall won't necessarily destroy your ship, although it will damage it.

What I'm not that keen on:

It's sometimes hard to tell what you can pass through safely and what will mess you up.
I'm stuck on the fifth level. I've reorganized my equipment six times trying to find a combination that will give me the edge. I've learned the patterns of the enemies that I'm facing and they still destroy me. I feel the game could really use the ability to replay earlier missions, even if you only earn 1/10th the amount of money as you did the first time through. I could probably turn down the difficulty, and I probably will end up doing that if I fail 20 more times, but I would like to have an alternative that doesn't feel so wussied.

And that's about it. I really love this game. I also feel it's a no-brainer to buy the gold version over the original version, even though it's $10 more. Rather than rewrite all of what you get for that $10, I'll just copy and paste what they say at the website:

Game resolution raised to 800x600! More space! More enemies on the screen! More items on the list in the shops making everything more comfortable.
Length of the game is DOUBLED! The campaign contains 21 NEW LEVELS NOW!
7 new customizable ships! You will have at your disposal up to 10 warbirds in total! You will have an opportunity to equip and fly anything from jet pack to captured zeppelin!
17 new weapons! Vast arsenal of the original JnG was widened even more! Try new stuff varying from crazy guns never seen in a shooter game to ultimate devastators, which will turn your screen into hell!
70 new enemies! In GOLD EDITION you will face more than 270 unique enemies, including 16 terrible bosses!
Secret levels, items and ships! There's more to explore in the new version. Try to find some hidden guns or ships!
Briefing texts replaced with comics screens!
New music from your favorite band! The game soundtrack was expanded with 6 new tracks!
Medals and ranks! Get some decoration for your heroic deeds! Make generals to envy your collection of medals!
and much more...

Give it a shot. See what you think.

---

Also, it seems that I have trouble accessing Blogger to post these days, so if you find yourself itching to see what I'll be posting in the evening, check out my Vox blog: http://fizzleandpop.vox.com/It'll usually update well in advance of this site.

Random Observation : Oh that wonderful feeling.

2007-07-13T17:11:00.000-06:00

(This may double post because I tried to email post, but I was informed that the email would be delayed until sometime Saturday(

That feeling you get when you're finally able to work free a wee piece of something that's been stuck between your teeth for some time. For me it's usually that shell/skin thing that you'll find in popcorn. Like a little razor blade buried in an apple made of popcorn, it hides and waits for the time when it can wedge itself between my teeth and cause me no end of annoyance throughout a movie that I would have paid good money to see if I didn't have a pass. It wouldn't be so bad if, at the end of the movie as the credits rolled, they would spontaneously leap free from my teeth so I could spit them out. But no. Those little fuckers have been known to bug me for days. I never seem to have a toothpick handy, so I try my fingernails, but it's usually too hard to find the spot with a finger. My tongue always seems to know the spot though. So I give up on my fingernail and probe away with my tongue, trying to find that sweet spot that'll lever that sucker loose. I wedge and wiggle until eventually I'm rewarded with that wonderful feeling. You regular flossers are really missing out.

A piggy-back pondering: Do they sell popcorn at adult movie theaters? You know, places like where Paul Ruebens met his downfall. I've honestly never been in one, but if they do it's not one of the selling points on the marquee: "Hot Lesbo Action! XXX Threesomes! Popcorn!" It would be great if they did though. That way the patrons could have something to throw at the screen during the boring periods of "plot development," and it might help absorb "spills" between the aisles.

Have a great weekend.

Illustration Friday : "Geeky"

2007-07-12T17:49:00.001-06:00

For now, this is going to be where I post during the day. For some reason I'm having trouble connecting to Blogger. When I can, I'll repost this at my normal Fizzle and Pop blog.

So, geeky.

Here's my last minute geeky.

Poorly done, but then this is also the first thing I've drawn in over a month. I've just been terribly uninspired lately. Anytime I try to draw anything it feels horrible. It was a struggle to even get this done. But there you go. Sometimes it's just that way.

Update : I have a better idea where my hits are coming from.

2007-07-11T12:00:00.000-06:00

Thanks to "Rule the Web", I've installed a better stat tracker than what I was using. It's called StatCounter (www.statcounter.com) and you can see it, and my stats, if you scroll down my sidebar until you see its icon. Don't click on the icon for the stats, however. Click on "view my stats". Anyhow, this is quite an impressive tracker. With it I've been able to determine that 217 of the last 488 visitors stayed for less than 5 seconds. 100 of those visitors hit my December, 2005 archive page. Damn near all of them came by way of a google image search. What image? Near as I can figure, this image:

It's the drawing I did of GIR from Invader Zim for Heather ages ago. Those of you unfamiliar with Invader Zim or GIR, I'm sure there's a Wikipedia entry for it.

Funny thing; the image was hosted at Flickr, however it was one of the things I purged in order to fix my NIPSA (Not in public search area) status last year. Yet it's still there if you look at that archive page, as are several others that I cleared out. Some other things are gone. Very strange. Well, now it's hosted back at SmugMug and it's not just buried deep in the archive anymore. It'll be interesting to see if the hits shift.

Time to eat my lunch. Brick microwave oven pizza. Do I live the high life or what?

Update : It's Windy here in Colorado Springs.

2007-07-10T10:20:00.000-06:00

And there are changes in it. The wind, that is. The first of which is changing my site's feed over to feedburner.com. There's a button at the top left of the page below my bio that you can use to subscribe. Much like my dad and DVD players, I've thought the idea of feeds was nifty but a bit too newfangled for me. On the old blogger I had set up a feed button, but it was just something I put there. I had no solid idea what it did, how it worked or why I'd want to take advantage of feeds myself. I'm older than I thought. Where's my Metamucil, galdarnit? No. Seriously. I think I might need to start taking it before it's too fucking late. That and other old people preservatives.

Yesterday a book I'd ordered arrived from Amazon:

If you click the cover it'll take you to the home site of the book where you can get more of an idea what you'll find inside. Alternatively, here's a direct link to the Amazon page. When I bought it last week the price was $8.95, down from $14.95. Now I see the price has risen to $10.17. Odd, that. I wonder if it's slowly rising to full price? It just came out on June 12th, so the discount might be a temporary thing.

I really cannot recommend getting this book enough. I'm only 45 pages in and I've already learned quite a lot. Like about feeds. How they work, why they're important, how to set them up, a good aggregator to use (if you're on a Mac, the author recommends Shrook, for Windows users: FeedDemon), etc. I'm positive I now know more about feeds than my dad knows about DVD players. Of course, feeds aren't all this book is about. You can check out the table of contents if you go to the Amazon link and click "Search inside this book" (top left, under the picture).

Something else covered in the book in the section about blogs was to write about what you enjoy. Direct quote: "The cardinal rule of blogging is to write about things that fascinate you." Lately I haven't been doing that. Heck, I've barely been posting at all since 2005. This is partly due to the fact that I have no idea what the people who come by my site are looking for. So, rather than try to figure it out anymore – or even worry about it – I'm just going to post something every day. Something I enjoy. If you enjoy it as well, fantastic! If not, come back tomorrow. Unless it's Friday or Saturday; I won't likely be posting then.

Another change is going to work in conjunction with feeds and writing about what I enjoy. I'm going to develop one-to-two-word categories that each post is going to fall within, and it's going to lead the title for the post. So, if you've subscribed to the feed for my site and you see the post title for that day is "Games : What I'm obsessed with today." and you have no interest in games, you can skip it. If it's "Video Tutorial : Vector vs. Raster in Photoshop, why Vectors kick ASS!" and that's more up your alley, you'll be able to read/view the entire thing in your feed reader without ever having to stop by the site. But by all means, if you have a comment that you would like to leave after reading any of the posts in your reader, stop by.

Yet another, more distant goal, is to set up an actual, honest to Cthulhu web site where I can doooooo things. What things? Shiny things. I need to find out if the domain I registered through Yahoo (www.fizzleandpop.com) is tied to Yahoo, or if I can use it at another web hosting service. I'm considering getting an account at laughingsquid.net. I'd possibly be willing to host through Yahoo, however every hosting package I see that they offer requires building the site through their templates and I want my site to be all custom, baby. You see, for my job we're having to learn web design pretty much on our own. It's slow going; at least it has been for me. So if I have my own site upon which I could inflict my developing "mad dope skillz", it might help speed the learning process and maintain my motivation. Having my own site would also mean I could make things available that I currently can't, like Photoshop Actions, Brushes and Shapes, or working PSDs that I use in video tutorials so that you all can play along. Stuff like that. It's what I really want to do and I think it'll be fun. I hope you guys will enjoy it too.

That's it for today. See you tomorrow.

More Septavo™ stuff

2007-07-03T12:49:00.000-06:00

I've been gradually working my way through the 1000 tangram puzzles in Septavo. I'm sure if I committed myself I could have been done by now. However until there's a puzzle editor I'm really not in that big of a hurry. That said, I decided to see how many puzzles I could do in 7 minutes and film myself doing them. Just for the heck of it.

It was a bit of a gamble, because every once in a while there will be a puzzle that I just don't suss very quickly, and if I hit one of those I would be screwed. Luckily the one that I was most wrong about on this run was the very last one.

If you don't feel like watching the movie, the final tally was 16 complete and one incomplete. If I counted right.

Here are my stats so far:

Drive-by near the drive-thru

2007-07-03T08:47:00.001-06:00

I stopped on the way in this morning to get a breakfast burrito at the LaCasita near my work and on the way out of the parking lot I see a woman in an old 80's Cadillac driving toward me. As we get closer she sticks her head and arm out the window and starts waving to me to get my attention. She's smiling so I think, "Do I know you?" We stop side-by-side and I roll down my window. She says, "Do you have any money that you can give me?"

...?

A drive-by panhandler.

"No. Sorry," I shake my head and drive on wondering if that ever works. Who on earth drives around looking for free money? I guess she does. Good luck with that, although you might want to switch to a bicycle so you don't waste so much gas.

Have a great 4th of July tomorrow, my American readers. As for my foreign readers, have a great Hump Day.

Got no art, but I'm filled with story

2007-06-28T10:05:00.001-06:00

So this is, what? Two or three weeks since I last did anything for Illustration Friday? Time flies.

I did think of a story to share.

Growing up when I did, we kids didn't have video games to occupy our time, but that doesn't mean we didn't have fun. I remember when I was in elementary school one kid – let's call him Bobby – showed several of us other kids something pretty neat. He had one of those needles with a colored ball on the end that are used in sewing. This was probably fourth grade to give you an age idea. And no, the needle wasn't the neat part. The neat part was after he turned his back with the needle, did something, turned back around, held up his hand fingernail side toward us and fingers apart. There was the needle sticking across his index finger about halfway down. He waved his hand around like crazy and the needle didn't fall off. We were awed. No video games, remember? We had to know how he did it.

Since he was a sharing kind of Bobby, he showed us. It turned out he took the needle and carefully stuck it through the skin on his finger, going across the padded area on the palm side so that it just went under one or two layers of skin but didn't go far enough to cause bleeding. Ooooo! How cool is that? Hey! My mom sews! She has DOZENS of those needles! Thus began the plan. The plan to be the cool kid on Monday.

I went home, found my mom's needle stash – a.k.a. "pincushion" – and practiced. The nice thing about this is your body will tell you when you're doing it wrong. Too deep and it hurts, to shallow and the skin tears. I learned quickly and on Monday I snuck my mom's pincushion with me to school. At recess I started putting pins through my fingers.

When I was done, I went to the other kids and presented my hand the same way Bobby had. I had six needles going through each finger, two per pad. Ooooooo! Then I turned my hand around and showed them that I also had crossed six more needles on the fleshy part of my palm at the base of my fingers. Ahhhhhhh! King for a day.

I also found, later on, that if you insert a needle into that fleshy part of your palm and don't push it all the way though, but instead wiggle it around back and forth a bit, you could make a pocket in your hand large enough to hold a dime. That was walking around money in those days, and nothing impresses a cashier like pulling a dime from your hand pocket.

---

Two movies that I've seen lately that I highly recommend: "Knocked Up" and "1408". However I will say that you'll get much more scare out of "1408" if you haven't seen the previews.

My daughter blabbering.

2007-06-24T01:45:00.001-06:00

Going... going...

2007-06-14T10:02:00.000-06:00

going on vacation. I may post something over the next week, but don't count on it. In the meantime, if you like tangrams, check out this game for both the Mac and Windows:

It's the best Tangram game that I've played on the computer in 14 years.

As for Illustration Friday... "Suit"? I think not. Maybe next time.

This amused me. Derek told me yesterday that he spoke with a former co-worker of ours named Tony while attending a wedding. To be honest, I always thought Tony was grating and didn't care to be around him. During their conversation I was mentioned and Tony said, "Now there's somebody you have to worry about. There's somebody who looks at you and you think, 'Jesus Christ! Where are the bodies hidden?' Better check his basement!" after which Derek said, "He's dating my sister."

"Check the basement." Please. Like I'd be that uncreative.

Have a great week everyone.

Made for Heather...

2007-06-08T12:28:00.001-06:00

... for the heck of it.

MySpam

2007-06-07T10:38:00.000-06:00

Getting to know me.

2007-06-05T09:23:00.000-06:00

Derek posted a questionnaire on MySpace, and rather just answer there for his amusement I figured on trying to amuse some of you as well. The bulletin and my answers follow:

----------
So yeah, on friends list, blah blah blah, want to know stuff, yadda yadda.

reply to me and answer the questions OR FEROCIOUS UNICORNS WILL VISIT AND RUIN YOUR VEHICLE'S PAINT JOB! No, seriously...Anyway, look! Questions!
---

1.)Q. Can you cook?
1.)A. Not very well, but well enough to not die yet.

2.)Q. What was your dream growing up?
2.)A. It mostly involved dozens of giant tornados, mass destruction and invading aliens. I still have it ever other year or so.

3.)Q. What talent do you wish you had?
3.)A. I wish I was funny. No. I mean really funny.

4.)Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be?
4.)A. Creepy.

5.)Q. Favorite vegetable?
5.)A. They're all so clever, I don't think I can single out a favorite. Although carrots have been really outstanding lately. Broccoli could be trying harder.

6.)Q. What was the last book you read?
6.)A. 'The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove' by Christopher Moore

7.)Q. What zodiac sign are you ?
7.)A. I'm on the right side of the line between Aquarius and Pisces. The wrong side being Pisces.

8.)Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
8.)A. Not on me, but I have several tattoos on other people.

9.)Q. Worst Habit?
9.)A. Working. I'd kick it, but then I would get the shakes real bad and all my stuff would disappear.

10.)Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
10.)A. Apparently.

11.)Q. What is your favorite sport?
11.)A. Hunting for compliments.

12.)Q. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
12.)A. Which do you think? Wrong!

13.)Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
13.)A. Forever? Kill you when you're sleeping and eat you to survive, I guess. I'd be sad about it though.

14.)Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
14.)A. Have my "girlfriend" have sex with my "best friend" because I was "moving too slow" when I was 18. That's the first to come to mind. There's probably worse.

15.)Q. Tell me one weird fact about you:
15.)A. I have a freckle in the middle of my lower lip. I think it's weird.

16.)Q. Do you have any pets?
16.)A. Several. A couple pass for children.

17.)Q. What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
17.)A. My dog would bark at you. The children might too.

18.)Q. What was your first impression of me?
18.)A. Aloof art snob.

19.)Q. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
19.)A. Why can't they be both? Is it right to put a limit on clowns? Just kidding. There's no such thing as a cute clown.

20.)Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
20.)A. I wouldn't mind losing around 60 lbs. Without, you know, diet or exercise.

21.)Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
21.)A. Apparently crime partner.

22.)Q. What color eyes do you have?
22.)A. Blue/Green.

23.)Q. Ever been arrested?
23.)A. Not as such.

24.)Q. Bottle or Draft?
24.)A. Bottles are great ways to hold liquids, and drafts are great ways to kill young men. Hmmmm. I'll say "Bottle".

25.)Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
25.)A. Pay off my VISA. Seriously. I want that fucker paid off.

26.)Q. Would you date me?
26.)A. Is this like "Name that currency"? I'll say 1975.

27.)Q. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
27.)A. You've GOT to be kidding. The monkey bar! hur-hur.

28.)Q. Do you believe in ghosts?
28.)A. I allow the possibility, but haven't personally experienced the spooky.

29.)Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29.)A. Game, read or draw.

30.)Q. Do you swear a lot?
30.)A. Not normally, without provocation.

31.)Q. Biggest pet peeve?
31.)A. Like I would hand you that kind of ammo.

32.)Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32.)A. Subdued.

33.)Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same
33.)A. Why do I have to repost this so you can fill it out? You already have it! Lazy.

You know I'm looking forward to this...

2007-06-04T20:32:00.001-06:00

AFI's Top 100 Comedies

2007-06-04T15:48:00.000-06:00

(Deep apologies to anyone with a subscription to the feed for the four changes I've made after submitting the post. Apparently Mondays suck for proofreading.)

This is done as a companion post to Heather's post about the American Film Institute's (AFI) Top 100 comedies. I've marked the ones I've seen with a red number and provided links to the Netflix pages for all of the movies.

1. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959) Netflix
2. TOOTSIE (1982) Netflix
3. DR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1964) Netflix
4. ANNIE HALL (1977) Netflix
5. DUCK SOUP (1933) Netflix
6. BLAZING SADDLES (1974) Netflix
7. M*A*S*H (1970) Netflix
8. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934) Netflix
9. THE GRADUATE (1967) Netflix
10. AIRPLANE! (1980) Netflix
11. THE PRODUCERS (1968) Netflix
12. A NIGHT AT THE OPERA (1935) Netflix
13. YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (1974) Netflix
14. BRINGING UP BABY (1938) Netflix
15. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940) Netflix
16. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952) Netflix
17. THE ODD COUPLE (1968) Netflix
18. THE GENERAL (1927) Netflix
19. HIS GIRL FRIDAY (1940) Netflix
20. THE APARTMENT (1960) Netflix
21. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988) Netflix
22. ADAM'S RIB (1949) Netflix
23. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY… (1989) Netflix
24. BORN YESTERDAY (1950) Netflix
25. THE GOLD RUSH (1925) Netflix
26. BEING THERE (1979) Netflix
27. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998) Netflix
28. GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) Netflix
29. THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984) Netflix
30. ARSENIC AND OLD LACE (1944) Netflix
31. RAISING ARIZONA (1987) Netflix
32. THE THIN MAN (1934) Netflix
33. MODERN TIMES (1936) Netflix
34. GROUNDHOG DAY (1993) Netflix
35. HARVEY (1950) Netflix
36. NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE (1978) Netflix
37. THE GREAT DICTATOR (1940) Netflix
38. CITY LIGHTS (1931) Netflix
39. SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS (1941) Netflix
40. IT'S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD (1963) Netflix
41. MOONSTRUCK (1987) Netflix
42. BIG (1988) Netflix
43. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973) Netflix
44. MY MAN GODFREY (1936) Netflix
45. HAROLD AND MAUDE (1972) Netflix
46. MANHATTAN (1979) Netflix
47. SHAMPOO (1975) Netflix
48. A SHOT IN THE DARK (1964) Netflix
49. TO BE OR NOT TO BE (1942) Netflix
50. CAT BALLOU (1965) Netflix
51. THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH (1955) Netflix
52. NINOTCHKA (1939) Netflix
53. ARTHUR (1981) Netflix
54. THE MIRACLE OF MORGAN'S CREEK (1944) Netflix
55. THE LADY EVE (1941) Netflix
56. ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN (1948) Netflix
57. DINER (1982) Netflix
58. IT'S A GIFT (1934) Netflix
59. A DAY AT THE RACES (1937) Netflix
60. TOPPER (1937) Netflix
61. WHAT'S UP, DOC? (1972) Netflix
62. SHERLOCK, JR. (1924) Netflix
63. BEVERLY HILLS COP (1984) Netflix
64. BROADCAST NEWS (1987) Netflix
65. HORSE FEATHERS (1932) Netflix
66. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN (1969) Netflix
67. MRS. DOUBTFIRE (1993) Netflix
68. THE AWFUL TRUTH (1937) Netflix
69. BANANAS (1971) Netflix
70. MR. DEEDS GOES TO TOWN (1936) Netflix
71. CADDYSHACK (1980) Netflix
72. MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE (1948) Netflix
73. MONKEY BUSINESS (1931) Netflix
74. 9 TO 5 (1980) Netflix
75. SHE DONE HIM WRONG (1933) Netflix
76. VICTOR/VICTORIA (1982) Netflix
77. THE PALM BEACH STORY (1942) Netflix
78. ROAD TO MOROCCO (1942) Netflix
79. THE FRESHMAN (1925) Netflix
80. SLEEPER (1973) Netflix
81. THE NAVIGATOR (1924) Netflix
82. PRIVATE BENJAMIN (1980) Netflix
83. FATHER OF THE BRIDE (1950) Netflix
84. LOST IN AMERICA (1985) Netflix
85. DINNER AT EIGHT (1933) Netflix
86. CITY SLICKERS (1991) Netflix
87. FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH (1982) Netflix
88. BEETLEJUICE (1988) Netflix
89. THE JERK (1979) Netflix
90. WOMAN OF THE YEAR (1942) Netflix
91. THE HEARTBREAK KID (1972) Netflix
92. BALL OF FIRE (1941) Netflix
93. FARGO (1996) Netflix
94. AUNTIE MAME (1958) Netflix
95. SILVER STREAK (1976) Netflix
96. SONS OF THE DESERT (1933) Netflix
97. BULL DURHAM (1988) Netflix
98. THE COURT JESTER (1956) Netflix
99. THE NUTTY PROFESSOR (1963) Netflix
100 GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM (1987) Netflix

So I've seen 43 of the 100. Of those I own 16 on DVD and I've added around 20 that I haven't watched to our Netflix queue. Do I agree with the list? That's hard to say. I don't tend to rank movies I've seen in any kind of cohesive list. Derek gets all kinds of annoyed when I can't name of my favorite movies, songs, or whatever. I tend to rank most things on a three step scale: Liked it - Ehhhh - Didn't like it. There are also two more steps but those don't get used too often: Loved it - Would rather gargle in glass with a drano chaser than watch again. So I guess it's really a five step scale. "Loved it"s are movies that I can toss in and enjoy watching almost any time. Of the movies on this list that I've seen, 'A Fish Called Wanda' , 'Groundhog Day', 'The Odd Couple' and 'The Producers' fall into that category. Nothing I've seen on the list falls into the "Glass & Drano" category, but there are a few that I didn't really like, or that I liked at first but liked less with each additional viewing: 'Good Morning, Vietnam', 'Mrs. Doubtfire' and 'Arthur'.

Not on the list, but still great (off the top of my mind – I'm sure there are others I'd add if I could remember them):

Murder By Death (1976) Netflix
Kung Fu Hustle (2004) Netflix
Trading Places (1983) Netflix
Midnight Run (1988) Netflix
Rocketman (1997) Netflix I may lose all credibility with this one, but as I recall it's very funny. I haven't seen it in nine years though.

That should do it. Have a great week.

IF: Cars

2007-05-31T12:52:00.000-06:00

I'm busy, so nothing new for this one. That said, here's something old:

This is a car that I made in Photoshop using vector layers and gradient effects:

I can't seem to locate the original file, so I can't offer a better view of it. If I find it in the next couple of days I'll update the post.

And since the theme of the week is "Cars" plural, here's the image that I made my illustration from:

Have a great weekend everyone.

---

Also, our latest podcast is up here. #51.

It's Friday don'cha know.

2007-05-25T12:17:00.000-06:00

(updated with the final illustration 5/29)

This has been one long, long week. Long I say! And barely a drop of fun to be had between the hours of 8am and 5:30pm. Next week should be "fun" though; I have jury duty starting (and hopefully ending) on Tuesday. First time. Wheee.

The only thing I have for you today is a post that I posted at my Visual Breakdown site earlier this week. It just ties together all of the zombie drawings I've been working on in a single post. The only thing new that I haven't already shown at this site is at the bottom.

Also, keeping in the zombie vein of this post, Heather showed me a trailer this morning for a movie coming out soon-ish: Fido. A must see for me. Thanks babe!

Those of you in the US, enjoy your extended Memorial Day weekend. Those of you elsewhere in the world, enjoy your regular two day weekend. Those of you with odd working hours... find something to enjoy and enjoy the living heck out of it!

---

Zombie "Fan-Art" for D.L. Snell's latest book "Roses of Blood on Barbwire Vines"

First some sketches to try to flesh out the author's mental image of his zombies:

The second and third were the closest, although the tentacles needed to be narrower. With those in mind I made a thin line drawing that I would later add vector layers and more line work to:

Now the vector layers are done:

~~I'll update later with the final piece when it's done.~~

It's done. Here's the Black & White version:

and the color version:

4th (final) Illustration

2007-05-21T12:20:00.000-06:00

For the story "The Drain"

I haven't heard back on this one yet, so it may not actually be the final. We'll see what they think.

Now that that's (potentially) done, it's on to other things.

Have a great week.

No IF from me today, but...

2007-05-17T08:42:00.000-06:00

... I finished the third illustration out of the four I'm doing for the book:

Good Point.

2007-05-16T13:11:00.000-06:00

Derek Brought up a good point in a comment on my last post:

Derek Knight said...
so I clicked through to Graveside and found that they pay the pittance of $10-$15 (US) for artwork. You know, I'm all for things like "exposure" and "helpin' folks out," but...Brotha', these represent far more work than a trip to Taco Bell...

I've felt that way myself for quite awhile as well about other companies. I even took about a week after receiving the request to make the decision to do the illustrations. Here are my reasons for doing this:

- Graveside is a new company, just getting started. It's at a very "indy" level right now, and companies like that need help where they can get it. If you've been a reader of mine for awhile, you may recall the one time I did an illustration for Dark Recesses Press. They were in the same situation. However, with them, I think I blew the one illustration I did. I've never heard back from them. I have no idea if Graveside will take off, or crash and burn. That's not in my hands. But if they do take off, and they really like the work I've done for them, and we build up a good working relationship, then when paying jobs come along I'm confident they'll think of me. Amazingly optimistic for me, I know, but there you go.

- I'm not a "professional" illustrator. I'd like to be, but I'm not even close. I need practice actually illustrating stories. I know I could get a book I already have and illustrate things from it, and I've even considered that in the past, however that would pay even less than this and lacking external pressure to get it done I'd likely end up never finishing. Left to myself I tend to put things off. Like the book you and I were talking about a year or two ago. I see working with Graveside right now as a kind of internship. The pay isn't great, but maybe I'll learn something about what I'm doing and how to do it better.

- The feedback I get from doing a project like this is helpful. The only time I get more than a couple of comments here about things I've drawn is when it's a part of Illustration Friday. As helpful and confidence building as those times usually are, illustrating a story is more difficult than illustrating a word. For that matter, I've been participating in Illustration Friday – more on than off – for almost a year and a half now and it doesn't pay anything. But I have been learning as I've been involved in IF, developing a few styles, and I feel it's worth doing and continuing. But the pay's not great.

- At the end of this all, there should be a book released with my artwork in it and it takes from me is a few hours of sketching in my downtime.

I certainly understand why someone might not want to participate in something like this, but for me – where I am artistically right now – I'm willing to do it.

So. Here's a zombie.

It's a lot more plain than the rest because I'm going to apply "finishing" work to it and I like the lines to be clean at that point.

These zombies I've been drawing lately are fan art for D.L. Snell's book "Roses of Blood on Barbwire Thorns" which just recently went to press and can be found by clicking the sidebar button, or going to Amazon. It's zombies vs. vampires.

I've been a fan of Snell's work since I read 'Cold Flesh'. He contacted me a month or so ago and asked if I was still drawing. We emailed back and forth and he recommended that I try submitting some of my work to Permuted Press for them to keep on file in case they needed any illustration work done. I didn't know if that would work since the body of my horror illustration work is smaller than that of a missing circus midget. He then suggested that I try my hand at doing an illustration of one of the types of zombies that makes an appearance in the book. That way I'd gain a bit of experience, and the guy at Permuted that gives out the art assignments could see my process and the end result for a story he's familiar with. This is the fourth zombie I've sent to Snell, and the last sketch I'll make before the finished work.

That's the story behind the odd zombies. Have a great rest of the week.

What's new?

2007-05-15T12:30:00.000-06:00

I'm doing four illustrations in my "sketch" style for four stories that are being collected in an anthology called 'Fried! Fast Food, Slow Death.' being put out by Graveside Tales.

Two are done, and follow below, and I'm waiting on stories for the other two. My deadline is the end of July, so I'm doing pretty good so far. This is very loosely connected to the zombies I was sketching before, in that one of the people responsible for putting this book together saw my sketches at the other book's forum and liked the style.

On to the art.

'Clipped' written by Jodi Lee

'Snailwart' written by MP Johnson

And yes, that's nasty. But the story is fairly nasty as well. And it's from the story.

I'll post the others as they are done and approved, and I'll let everyone know when the book is available.

I'm not going to be participating in Illustration Friday this week, as the word is "Citrus" and I have other things that I should be working on. I may change my mind, but it's not likely.

A new video is up.

2007-05-12T23:42:00.000-06:00

This time with me actually talking and trying to explain just what I'm doing during it, rather than playing random music. Unless you have Photoshop though, it probably won't be terribly interesting for you. It's basically a quick – and admittedly not that informative – tutorial of how to use the Pen tool in Photoshop to make and modify vector layers, as requested by Nate.

I'm not even making actual art during it. I'm just doodling. It's sad, really. But it's something new.

If anyone else has a request for general art or program related movies ask in the comments. I may start hosting them at Google video rather than YouTube because there's no time or size limit that I can tell. The only problem is when I put this one on Google video, they compressed the crap out of it or something. It's pretty bad. I may have to set aside some time to try out different formats and see what works best. You can compare how bad it is here: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1560387374506565742

Have a good... no a GREAT Sunday.

A musing...

2007-05-11T12:46:00.000-06:00

I was getting lunch from QDoba and noticed, as I was leaving, someone going into the nearby “Tan Your Hide”. I've always thought that was a stupid name, since “tanning your hide” is another way to say “giving you a beating”, usually with a belt. At least it was when I was a kid. Today I thought, if I was more enterprising and willing to go up against the law, it would be great to open a chain of S&M shops alongside all of the “Tan You Hides” in strip malls across America and call them “Smack Your Ass”.

Have a great weekend you huddled masses, with all your yearning and whatnot.

IF: Neighbor

2007-05-10T11:51:00.000-06:00

Quickie. Busy. Enjoy.

Sketch:

Illustration Friday

Succumbed to da' Debbil.

2007-05-08T16:00:00.001-06:00

That's right. I've given up. I now have a MySpace page. Here. It's pretty barren so far. It'll probably stay that way for awhile. The plans I don't have for it could fill entire libraries with void. But it's there. Just a'sittin'.

Anyhow, if you also have a MySpace page and would like to be added as a friend, do that voodoo that you do to let me know and I'll do what needs to be done.

No zombie today. Sorry.

Yet even more “Art“ of dubious value...

2007-05-07T19:26:00.000-06:00

I tossed another quick drawing into one of the Something Awful MSPaint forums. This time the topic was “Animals on drugs”. I originally wasn't going to make anything for it, however one person requested that someone draw “a panda smoking a blunt.”

I've always wanted to draw a panda.

I wasn't going to show this to anyone outside of the SA forum, with the exception of Heather, because I don't find much funny about drug abuse. On the other hand I really like how the panda turned out for a fast freehand sketch.

So, in the end, drug abuse be damned. He didn't inhale. Here you go:

The Todd Settlement

2007-05-07T14:37:00.000-06:00

------
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

DAVID KELLY AND TODD GOLDMAN REACH AGREEMENT ON PAINTING

MAY 2, 2007

Artists David Kelly and Todd Goldman have agreed to settle and end the recent claim that Mr. Goldman utilized an image and caption belonging to Mr. Kelly in an original painting without his permission. In early April, an internet site noted the similarity of a recent Goldman painting to a web cartoon panel produced six years ago by Mr. Kelly. Mr. Goldman has agreed to pay Mr. Kelly the full proceeds from the sale of the two paintings in exchange for a perpetual non-exclusive license for the image and its caption (“the “Work”). “It was a mistake on my part to not research the source for this Work which was sent to me over the internet by a friend. “Until a few weeks ago, I had no knowledge of Mr. Kelly or his body of online cartoon and animation work,” said Goldman.

Mr. Kelly has accepted Mr. Goldman's explanation and payment of the license fee and calls for the internet sites and all interested parties to acknowledge that Mr. Goldman’s use of the Work was an unintentional legitimate mistake and that there should be no further debate on the matter. Mr. Goldman’s two paintings which depict Mr. Kelly’s image and caption have a legally valid and enforceable license from Mr. Kelly. Mr. Goldman has agreed that he will not paint this image for any future commissions or exhibitions or otherwise use it for any further commercial purposes. Each of the artists have declared their intention to move on in their respective fields and encourage their supporters, friends, and patrons to do likewise.

# # # # #
For further information, please contact:
AR american rebel pr
1509 N. Crescent Heights Blvd. #5
Los Angeles, CA 90046
(323) 656-5020: Phone
(323) 656-5021: Fax
------

Interesting. I guess all the other stuff* is just a string of coincidences. Provided he receives oodles of art submissions via the Internet by friends, of course. I'm not saying either way, but I will say it'll be a cold day in hell before I'll knowingly purchase anything he has to sell.

Moving on...

---
*Read it while it's hot. The guy running the site has received a take down notice from Todd's lawyers. It seems several other sites have capitulated already in regards to their own articles, including WIRED and Wikipedia. It's disappearing under the rug as you read this. Doubleplus ungood.

More “art”.

2007-05-04T10:39:00.001-06:00

There's a thread on the Something Awful Forums called “MSPaint Stuff That Old People Do”
(EDIT: Fixed the link)

I joined up with the SA forums in early April at the insistence of my brother. He said I would “rule” in the art forums. I said “Meh. I don't have time and I don't have MSPaint.” He told me they don't have to be MSPaint, and even showed me a thread that was call “ArtRage is the new MSPaint” where everything was done in ArtRage.

I finally joined after months of being bugged, and I've posted a drawing I made in ArtRage to the above thread. We'll see if it gets a negative response. You can go and look if you wanna (but you have to be a member of the forums to view it), or just scroll down a bit here.

When I was a kid my dad liked to do this whenever I had friends over. After the first time, it wasn't that often.

IF-Remember

2007-05-03T08:46:00.000-06:00

Once again it's Thursday and I've been caught unprepared. So, here's a quickie illustration/sketch for Illustration Friday.

Have a great weekend. Stay away from the sheep.

Another Tuesday...

2007-05-01T16:01:00.000-06:00

... another zombie:

And what freaky zombies they are.

Odds are...

2007-04-26T13:48:00.000-06:00

... if you've been around the internet much for the last month or so, and have any interest in art, you've heard about Todd Goldman and how he's apparently been making oodles of money by ripping off art from online sources and selling it as "his creations" both on merchandise and as "original" paintings. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can read about it here and here for starters, or just do a Google search.

One of the things mentioned much later in the SA Forum post is from ruth323. She said:

"Apparently it's not uncommon for commerical artists to trace photographs. I think it's a bit strange (don't artists go to art school to learn how to draw?) but I can imagine that when there's a tight deadline it would be necessary. Also, there are some artists who really have great ideas and wonderful execution, but they just can't get that leg to look right, so they trace it. Oh well. Okay. ..."

That reminded me of an instructor that I had somewhat late in my "art education", when I was attending Pikes Peak Community College. I can't remember his name, even though I had him for a couple of classes during my time there. He used to work at Hallmark, and had done illustrations for the Hallmark Movies posters as well as some other poster work and some greeting card work. All very impressive, to be sure. Far more than I've been able to accomplish. Apparently that all came to an end, I'm betting due to bad judgement of some sort. He would talk about the glory days at the drop of a hat. So there he was teaching at a community college, and there I was to learn. This was ’94 or ’95.

I've probably posted about this guy some time in the past. I have vague recollections of doing so. Still, it applies now even more than then.

We had been given an assignment to take a black & white photo of a woman that he provided to us, blow it up to three times its size and add color to it. We weren't allowed to use a photocopier, and there was only one wall projector, so rather than wait in line I gridded and drew the image by hand and eye. During the critique phase I was asked why I drew it instead of copying it. Compared to the others that had been traced on the wall, it was pretty obvious that I didn't trace it, grid or no grid. I answered, "Because I can." knowing that, for whatever reason, most of my fellow students hadn't taken a drawing class and weren't planning on it.

That was the wrong answer.

I was informed that in the professional world you HAVE to copy to succeed. It takes too long to draw. In fact – according to him – nine out of ten people working as professional illustrators don't even know how to draw. They have large photo morgues to pull from and they know all kinds of tricks to make it work. He didn't know how to draw, and look at what he accomplished!

I said, "I guess I'll be the one in ten." As it turns out I'm not a paid illustrator at all. Instead I'm immeshed in advertising graphic design.

By the end of the semester I had virtually no respect for the guy and a 'C'.

As I see it, Todd Goldman is one hell of a businessman and a perfect example of what my instructor was talking about, but until I actually see him draw something from his mind freehand I refuse to call him an artist. I'll bet that'll lose him all kinds of sleep.

IF: "Polar"

2007-04-25T13:46:00.001-06:00

It's a zombie kinda Tuesday

2007-04-24T14:26:00.000-06:00

The last zombie sketch had a few problems. It turns out the tentacles were supposed to be more 'octopus' like and they were supposed to emerge exclusively from the head of the zombie: "sides and crown." Also, the extra head looked far too happy ("HI MOM!" he's saying while waving his wee fingers), which I knew but had no time to change. I wanted to get it sent off so I could gauge if I was close or not. It was practice sketching if nothing else. This next sketch was done in about a third the time, but is much closer to what the author wants:

On seeing it he said, "That is freaking awesome! Keep up the good work!"

I have a few more versions of heads in mind that I need to sketch out later when I have time, then I will set about refining them into full bodies and then finished pieces. I'm still not sure what style I'm going to do them in. Possibly a mix between graphic and line.

Have a great week all. I'll try to have an illustration done for this weeks IF word "polar" either tomorrow or at the last minute on Thursday.

Well aren't I the hoity-toity elitist snob?

2007-04-20T11:19:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to figure out why I'm getting so many visitors lately. I don't think anything I've said or done is terribly newsworthy, and I'm not getting more comments than usual. I'm betting it's a fluke. A ghost in the machine playing with me. However, during my time spent seeking where this influx of traffic is from, I came across my "Kinja card", something I didn't even know existed. It has some interesting breakdowns, including the news that I have one star of popularity and I'm not in the top 100,000 blogs. Whew! I was getting worried.

Another thing I saw was under "language tools"... 'Analyze readability.' I decided to give it a go. It turns out my readability is a bit above The Wall Street Journal's:

And yet the Bible is as easy to read as the TV Guide. And easier than Reader's Digest. If you think about that with a cynical, jaded mind it explains a LOT.

Derek's site is much more readable than mine. He's between the Bible and the Reader's Digest.

I'm afraid I have to blame my dad for this. "Build your vocabulary! Nobody will respect you and you won't be successful unless you have a large vocabulary!" This was reinforced though weekly quizzes when I was a teenager. Thanks dad. Now I'm difficult to read. Also, that 'respect' and 'success' you mentioned... when is that supposed to kick in?

Still, to all of you visitors that keep coming by for whatever reason, thanks!

---

This week's Illustration Friday topic is "Polar" as suggested by Jared von Hindman of Head Injury Theater. So I give you "Polar Bear and Eskimo in a Blizzard":

My real submission will be some time next week. Have a great weekend.

Finally added something "new"...

2007-04-19T09:59:00.000-06:00

... to my Visual Breakdown site.

That is all.

EDIT: Okay, I lie. That's not all. Anyone dropping by to see if I did an Illustration Friday drawing today will need to scroll down to Tuesday's post since I was all kinds of 'on the ball' this week.

Also here's a zombie sketch, 'cause you look like you could use one:

Click to make bigger. You know you wanna.

I'll explain what the latest zombie stuff is all about at some point. Although the quick-and-dirty explanation is I'm trying to assemble something to submit to a book publisher at the suggestion of one of that publisher's authors and the zombies are based on the type found in his upcoming book. Not so much this one though. It was a first draft that needs major revisions.

It's Wennnnsday!

2007-04-18T13:04:00.000-06:00

I forgot to mention it last week, and possibly the week before, but here it is Wednesday again. Although it wasn't the 'being Wednesday' that I forgot to mention, so much as the reminder that a new episode of Derek's and my podcast is up for the listening.

As Derek says: Clicky to listen!

It's also quickly coming time for me to get my act together. Literally. Freak Train is on the 30th and I'm expected to "do" something. What? I have no idea. I have at best 30 seconds of something I could do, and that's if I talk slowly.

Derek feels I should assemble an act around that Weenie spam that I mentioned awhile ago, but I don't think it would work so well. You may not realize it but I blush pretty easily. And deeply. A fact that used to be somewhat hidden by my mass of facial hair. I can write about Weenie spam with no problem, but talking about it is something else. And the blush just gets worse when I know it's there.

Then again, that could be quite an act. Get up there and totally embarrass the hell out of myself to the point where my face is purple with shame and yet still be funny enough that people laugh – I hope – and they feel bad doing it because, damn! Look at me! How can you sit there and laugh at me?! My face is freakin' purple!

Okay, while typing this I developed some "ideas". Not about blushing. I'm still going to avoid that as much as possible. I think the act is going to revolve around pet names that people give to each other and their various "parts". Okay. There may be some blushing. But it still might be good. I'll work on it.

IF: "Fortune" - early for once.

2007-04-17T18:55:00.000-06:00

A really quick sketch/illustration for this week's Illustration Friday word, "Fortune":

Like I said, really quick. I don't quite like it, but I also don't think I'll have enough time to do anything better. Drawn in Alias Sketchbook Pro.

The initial, uncolored sketch:

I have a project involving drawing zombies that I hope to get to sometime this weekend. Ish. I'll post more about that later.

Monday. Again. Sigh.

2007-04-16T16:11:00.000-06:00

A little over a week ago I had just finished reading Orson Scott Card's novel "Ender's Game"

It was a great book.

At around the same time Randall Munroe put up this comic at xkcd:

It's a great comic. But only if you've read the book. Otherwise it's "wtf?"

Still. Fun coincidence.

---

On an unrelated note, I shaved off all of my facial hair on Friday. After I'd finished, I wiped away the lingering foam, took a good look in the mirror and thought, "Now I remember why I grew a beard in the first place." Luckily Heather still loves me, although both of my children screamed when they saw me. Seriously. No joke. Derek says I look less scary. Less threatening. Where's the fun in that? Especially since I have a teenager to keep in line. Grow little hairs, grow!

Illustration Friday: "Green"

2007-04-12T09:58:00.000-06:00

I decided last week that missing four Illustration Fridays in a row was enough. I would do something for the next topic no matter what. So, naturally, the next topic was a color. Oh sure, my favorite color, but nonetheless. A color. (insert "Collin sigh")

The first idea I had was a leprechaun with his back to the viewer and the headline "It's not easy peeing green", but I just didn't have the time.

Instead you get this:

And the sketch:

I'm pretty sure I've used these "characters" for an Illustration Friday in the past, but I can't remember what the topic was. I'm betting it was color related.

Mobile library.

2007-04-05T12:59:00.000-06:00

I'm betting everyone who stops by here are sick of seeing penis patch spam lingering at the top of the site like a bloated snitch carcass whose cement shoes slipped off, so I figured I should post something. Lacking anything funny or artistic, I guess I'll have to do something else.

So. Here it is Thursday again and for the third week in a row I don't have anything for Illustration Friday. Sorry about that. I've just been too busy to draw. Not too busy to read though.

My brother has been wanting my old Apple G4 Cube for many years now, but I held off because even though they stopped making them ONE FREAKIN' MONTH after I bought mine, I really liked it. It was small, quiet and a decent computer for the time. For the last year and a half I haven't needed it though since I bought a G5 tower. It's just been hanging out in Justin's room acting as a jukebox.

On Monday Trevor really started pushing for me to trade it to him. The first offer he presented to me was his 80 GB video iPod, an old G3 tower and a tablet (non-WACOM) that Jordyn could use in exchange for the Cube and the 3rd Generation iPod that he sold me a couple years ago. The thing is, I almost never use my iPod for listening to music and the thought of watching a movie on a tiny screen doesn't appeal to me either. So I said no thanks. Then he asked me what I wanted. I thought about it and then jokingly said, "how about your Sony Reader for just the Cube?" figuring he would never go for that. Turns out he did. He still wants my iPod – sentimental reasons: it was his first – but that wasn't part of the deal.

Am I happy with the trade? Damned straight. So you know what I'm talking about you can find out more information on the Sony Portable Reader here: SPR.

I've wanted once since last November, but I just couldn't swing it. It cost too much and it was too close to Christmas.

Now that I've had it for a few days, here's what I don't like about it:

There is, at this time, no way to connect directly to the Reader using the Apple OS so that you can do things like manage collections or purchase books from the Connect store. They say they're looking into it, but this is Sony. They've been known to lie. *ahem* 'rootkit!'

There was one program released by someone apart from Sony that looked promising, and does actually recognize the reader when you connect it to the Mac. However you can only add ebooks to the built in memory as far as I can figure out, and you can't manage any ebooks that are already there. Also the interface of that program is non-intuitive and it crashed on me twice. In time this may be fixed, Sony may offer a solution, or Apple might release their own reader. The iReader. That would be great. iPhone? iDon't-give-a-crap! Give me an iReader!
---
This is the first generation, so it's expensive. Not exactly my problem since I traded for it, however now that I've had time to try it out I want to buy one for Heather. Here's hoping the price drops later this year. $350 would buy quite a few paper books.
---
From what I've read elsewhere, the navigation is silly for listening to music. I personally don't care because I will never use it to listen to music, mostly because of the additional battery drain but also because if I really want to listen to music I'll use an MP3 player, like my iPod. Just because you're Sony doesn't mean everything you make has to play music. I have to wonder how much lower the price could have been if they had left out the ability to play MP3s.
---
It isn't backlit and the natural grey of the screen makes reading it in lower light levels somewhat difficult. But I also like the fact that it isn't backlit because it's more like reading a page than looking at a screen and the battery lasts a lot longer. Up to 7,500 page turns in fact, but I'll write about that in a bit.
---
The page turning buttons along the left side of the screen should also be on the right side so that when it's in its case you can hold it like a book and change pages naturally with your right thumb rather than having to reach across the screen or shift your left hand to the middle. Get rid of the MP3 capability, get rid of the volume buttons and add page buttons on both sides.
---
It has the ability to store and view pictures as well, but I haven't tried it. What's the point? It's black & white. If they develop a color version I can see using that feature, but not until then.
---

And here's what I like about it:

If I'm reading something and I want to change books I push a few buttons. If I'm nowhere near home I can have over a thousand books with me. There are around 140 on it now and it's only using about 50 MB of the 1 GB worth of space. Now I'm scouring the net for anything free (for now) that I can add to it.
---
The only time power is used is when the screen refreshes. You can leave it on the same page for an hour and it doesn't drain the battery. I've been reading every chance I get since Tuesday, I've already finished one book and I'm about a third of the way through another, and the battery bar hasn't dropped at all.
---
There are places like this: manybooks.net and this: Project Gutenberg where you can download classics and creative commons licensed books for free. Just because a book is old, doesn't mean it's not worth reading.
---
And there's this place: mobileread.com :where you can find out damned near anything about the Reader if you have the time to look.
---

There doesn't seem to be enough of what I like compared to what I don't like about the Reader. But really, I'm enjoying the heck out of being able to take a large library with me wherever I go. I hope there's a price drop in the near future, and I hope that other companies invest in developing their own readers. I would like to see ebooks become more common. Perhaps some day we'll have ebook files that expire after a month available for download from libraries around the world. You wouldn't have to drive to get them and you wouldn't have to return them. I know that the Reader won't eliminate my desire or need for paper books. For one thing there are still many books that can't be found in an electronic format and for another if my Reader breaks I've lost my library. So for me, paper books are here to stay. However that doesn't mean I can't supplement them with electronic versions when possible.

What do you guys think? Would you like to use a portable ebook reader, or are paper books good enough for you?

Monday mail blechs.

2007-04-02T14:52:00.000-06:00

This post is rated 'M' for Mature. And 'MSA' for Mom Stay Away. It's all kinds of rated.

Sorry to do this, but if I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

The first email I opened this morning was this:

Thanks for the early morning porn-mail you penis patch pushing anonymous fucknut. Still, I think I can use this...

Random thoughts to follow.
---
I think it's meant to tell a story, almost like a comic strip.

Panel 1: "Gee honey, I would love to pull down your pants and blow you senseless, but really... what's the point?"

Panel 2: All the information you need to know to fix the situation, with a special guest appearance by the head of H.R. Giger's Alien because that's how we roll.

Panel 3: (Later...) "Wow! Where have you been all my life, oh tool of Satan?!"
---
One thing I wonder about this – apart from why they would picture a skinned weenie guaranteed to make any guy back away with his hands over his crotch and tears in his eyes – is do they think by adding the "Rx" to their product's name the potential customer might think it has some medicinal value and legitimacy? All I can say is adding Mc to nuggets doesn't make me think they're Scottish.
---
A patch. Why a patch? The only other chemical patch I can think of offhand is the smoking patch, and that's used to give up smoking. Shouldn't a penis patch make you give up penis? Just in case, whatever you do, don't let your lady wear one. To be safe don't even let her look at one.
---
"... will expand the erectile tissue longer and wider without any extra effort..." From flaccid, sure. A slight breeze can manage that. You don't even have to TRY. Slapping something on your best friend Bobby is bound to generate some activity. The question that isn't answered is, "Will this patch make Bobby grow bigger and wider than he's ever been before?" Since these people are in the business of lying and taking advantage of the insecure, I feel confident the answer they would give is, "Yes. Oh yes. Big as your freakin' arm. This check's good, right?"
---
For the record I don't name my 'bits', but Bobby seems like a good one. It conjures imagery that's hard to forget. Bobby. Think about it. Then, once you get it, try NOT thinking about it.
---
It would be awesome if you had to lick it to stick it. "Honey! Could you help me with this? I need you to lick me here, here and here. And here. Here again. Now over here. Stop complaining! I'm doing this for you!" But it's probably adhesive strips.
---
Picture this... taking it off after jogging.
---
How big is this patch? It can't be too big, because remember who it's for. Provided you have the real estate, can you apply more than one? What happens if you do? I can picture college kids sticking six of them on a friend who passed out drunk at the party. He wakes in the morning and his pants are shredded. He has to gather it up in his arms just to walk. "I can never play soccer again!"
---
That's probably way more than enough of that.

Have a great week everyone.

EDIT: By the way, I didn't mention this earlier but the black bar area that reads "Yoinks!" in the third panel... I added that. It was sent to me in all the naked ridged glory it could muster, which you can tell by her expression is quite a lot. I added the red "Why?" as well. So. Yeah.

Multimediarrific

2007-03-28T12:40:00.000-06:00

The video:

The podcast:

Thanks to:

the Derek

Eww.

2007-03-28T08:55:00.000-06:00

I'm having stomach problems this morning. On my way in to work I was driving somewhat fast, both because I was running late and because I could feel stuff brewing down south. I hit a patch of potholes. While I bounced around it occurred to me, "Thank god diarrhea isn't carbonated."

Later I'll have a link to the video that Derek made of me performing at Freak Train, as well as a link to the podcast we recorded last night.

News flash from the lunatic fringe

2007-03-27T10:09:00.000-06:00

Just this minute I received an email from Gotoso Diogo with the subject line "Anna Nicole: The Mystery of Her Death"

The body of the email went on to tell me that she died from an enlarged penis. Her own or someone else's; it wasn't made clear. It was very cryptic. It appeared to be trying pass itself off as spam, seemingly selling me the "#1 Penis Enlargement Solution in the World," but with that subject line I knew there was a deeper meaning. Surely it wasn't chosen at RANDOM. No, my friends, this is not spam. Oh no. There's something "they" don't want us to know about the death of Anna Nicole. The "mystery" of it, if you will. I'm certain that this was really a disguised message from the people "in the know."

How can I be so sure? The answer is hidden in the coded message at the end: "ftkpkkkmkfkjkfmuhmiihihqhkhnhkhhhlishuiolhhthghh"

See? There can be no denying it. If you can't decode it, you weren't meant to know, but I will say that what it reveals is chilling in its evil.

If you do figure out the message, be quiet about it though. Just knowing this could jeopardize your life. The email said "100% Guaranteed risk free" which is obviously meant as a warning of the extreme danger you will be in if you learn of this cover-up. I'm not afraid. I live with fear on a daily basis. I have a teenaged son.

Just remember, the truth of Anna's death is out there. It's walking on three legs.

Luckily we have Gotoso Diogo risking his life to warn us.

You're a good man Gotoso.

Well...

2007-03-27T00:15:00.000-06:00

Smart money lost. I performed. I was see-sawing all the way up to the point where I picked a slot. About halfway through my "act" I started shaking and couldn't stop. I don't know if another time will be better or not. We'll see. I plan to give it another go in a couple months. I went on between Pat and Derek. It was fun, in a "holy CRAP! WHAT AM I DOING?" kind of way. Now I have to go to sleep, for tomorrow I must work. Talk to you all later.

Today's the day...

2007-03-26T14:08:00.000-06:00

The Freak Train day. The stand up comedy 5-minute act of doom and total embarrassment ending in ritual suicide under the hot, hot lights. Okay, I won't kill myself. At least consciously. Who knows what my mind may do to me once I'm on the stage looking out at the audience shrouded in deep shadow.

It may go pop. I'll fall over and that will be that.

I'm still see-sawing between going through with it and just going.

I have something prepared. An old post from 2004 that I rewrote and rewrote again starting last night. So yeah, that's another thing against me. Damned near no time spent practicing or even thinking about what I'll be doing. I did record myself reading through the first rewrite a few times and it averaged out to about 2 minutes 30 seconds. I will do my best to not rush through it, but I tell you now if nobody's laughing by the end of the first couple "jokes" I will transform into Speedy Mouth McMumbler. I'll be their shortest act ever.

That's assuming I do it, and don't wuss out. Smart money's on wuss out. It looked a bit windy earlier.

I'm pretty sure someone will be recording, so when the video's up I'll post a link. If there's anything to post. See? See-sawing. One second I want to do it, the next I'm thinking its a bad, bad idea. "Licking a light socket" bad.

I'll also record an MP3 of the "act" tomorrow night and post it in the coming week. Whether I go on stage or not.

Any bets?

SpamSpamSpam

2007-03-23T08:49:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've done anything with the spam that used to flood my inbox. As you can tell if you have stopped by Spam-A-Palooza lately. I say "used to flood my inbox" because our IT guys have managed to shut the flow down to a trickle. That's great and all, but it makes material scarce. Luckily I've been holding on to quite a few for quite awhile, just waiting for the posting urge to strike. It has struck, in a tiny way. I will now give you a few morsels of spam. My comments, as usual, in red.

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From: Ketty Kloecker
Subject: Don't pass by for god sake. Render assistance, you heartless bastard!
Date: March 21, 2007 6:14:53 PM MDT
To: collin

Hi
Something attractive are occur with SCPT, did you saw I did saw! I did! It so attractive! Make me horny! So horny! .02 x.04 ? You betcha. .02 x.04 worth of horny!
I think we need to buy it before it reach 0.06 mark. Do you? Are you sure? That's .02 more horny if we wait! Let's wait! Let the horny build and build!

LOOK at statistic. Do I gotta? I'm busy letting the horny build! Sigh. Fine.

Last Trade: 0.04
Change: Up 0.02 (81.82%)
Prev Close: 0.02
Volume: 5,421,146 Now, I'm no money guru, but wouldn't an increase from .02 to .04 equal a 100% increase? *Ahem* I mean 'Statistic make me horny even more!' So much volume! So attractive!

But do not tell me later thet i wasn't noticed you. I couldn't if I wanted to.

Truly Yours, Ketty If you are truly mine, can I sell you? I think that should be allowed. Apply you towards my student loans.

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Best spam title I've gotten lately: "Jennifer keeps the room warm."

Unfortunately, that's the only good thing about that one. No explanation how she does it. Nothing further is said of Jennifer. Just more babble about stocks I don't realize I want.

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From: nevil ambrosius (nanetecallie@qchiptechnologies.com)
Subject: Sir, your product works like no other. It does indeed. So you'll be buying a thirty then?
Date: March 20, 2007 9:23:05 PM MDT
To: antonina (collin@blahblahblah) WTF? Like I'm not going to know my own name? Who the hell is Antonina? Answer me Nevil Ambrosius, you prick!

Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces "above average" semen amounts? Who does these surveys? Do they just hang around WalMart with a clipboard and a lewd expression? "Excuse me miss, does THIS much semen make you horny?" Produces a pint bottle full of teeny wigglers from behind his back. Notes reaction. Moves on. With our pills, she'll be speechless... They're mostly alum. Damned handy if the lady of the bedroom is a bit too chatty. and defiantly coming back for more... Give me what I want or I'll smack you into Tuesday!

Other than a link and filler text, that was it. The entire sales pitch. I'm left unconvinced.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Holy crap! I've been shot!

2007-03-22T09:16:00.000-06:00

Well. Okay. Not me exactly. Someone with my name was though. Shot and killed back in September of 1999.

I decided to google my name after reading an article on Lifhacker about how to Have a say in what Google has to say about you. In addition to having the top spot linked to my post about Viacom ordering YouTube to take down my video, it turned up this:

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September Murder Remains Unsolved

After-hours shooting in Central Square leaves a Boston man dead

On Saturday, September 18, 1999, at 3:15 a.m., 30-year-old Collin Burton of Dorchester, with two friends, stopped at Hi-Fi Pizza in Central Square after a night at the Hong Kong and the House of Blues. A green Ford Explorer pulled up outside the Hi-Fi. Burton had a conversation with the occupants, then banged on the hood of the vehicle. The man in the passenger seat then fired through the open window, striking Burton once in the chest. Burton’s friends rushed him to Boston Medical Center, where Burton died the following Monday. Burton’s friends have cooperated with the investigation, but no arrests have been made and no warrants have been issued.

This murder has elevated fears of violence in Central Square, which has long been Cambridge’s most prolific drug and robbery hot spot. Several drug related shootings in Area 4 were reported in the weeks preceding this murder.
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Freaky seeing your name associated with a death. Even more so when it's murder.

Also, don't count on an Illustration Friday post from me this week. Still no ideas and even less time. Yes. That's right. Less than no time.

Look out the window, what do you see?

2007-03-21T17:23:00.000-06:00

It's Wednesday just about damned near everywhere! That means:

This week's Illustration Friday word is "Total," and I totally have nothing so far. Tomorrow is the deadline. Can I do it?! Tune in tomorrow to see. Probably the later the better.

IF: "Superhero" steps 2 & 3...

2007-03-17T11:11:00.000-06:00

Are finally up at You Tube:

Step 2

Step 3

As you'll no doubt notice, the video quality is horrible. I know it's possible to have a YouTube video that doesn't look all fuzzed out and crappy, I just don't know how to manage it myself.